Happiness is a cocktail. The right mix can do wonders for our sense of well-being. But what is the right mix? And can we be happy all the time?
Being happy is fleeting. It’s one of those feelings that ebbs and flows, so to expect to “be happy” all of the time is unrealistic.
But, can we be happy more often?
Yes! Here’s the secret sauce (make sure you share this with everyone you meet!)
Engage with other people. Really, truly connect with others.
That’s it. I know, there’s this other dot, but the secret sauce is this one thing. It’s like what Jack Palance’s character said in City Slickers.
So, it’s not so much a cocktail. It’s more like a straight-up shot of Tequila without the worm or headache. (And who wants a headache, anyway?)
Let’s spend a little more time connecting with other people, laughing, crying, and basically being human.
References
Aucubehill (2006, Nov. 15). Finding your one thing. Retrieved December 9, 2018 from https://youtu.be/2k1uOqRb0HU
Berkley Wellness (2018). What is the Science of Happiness? Retrieved December 9, 2018 from http://www.berkeleywellness.com/healthy-mind/mind-body/article/what-science-happiness
Ducharme, J. (2018, Feb. 14). This is the amount of money you need to be happy, according to research. Money. Retrieved December 9, 2018 fromhttp://time.com/money/5157625/ideal-income-study/
Doing good holds the power to transform us on the inside, and then ripple out in ever-expanding circles that positively impact the world at large.
Shari Arison
Do you volunteer your time? Why do you do that? For many of us, we volunteer because there’s a need. And that’s very true. But there’s another reason we do it.
Volunteering, or participating in any good action, makes us feel good. Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky has studied happiness for years. In her work, she’s identified the association between doing good and feeling good.
You might be thinking, “Why would anyone need to study that?” Go ahead and google, “how to be happier.” You’re going to get about 149,000,000 results. We’re living in a time when people are working more and (generally) earning more but are less happy.
Lyubomirsky says there are three reasons doing good makes us feel good.
When we perform an act of kindness, we feel part of the larger community; we feel part of something bigger than ourselves.
Helping others can relieve the guilt we might have when we feel helpless to respond to truly tragic or horrific acts.
Acts of kindness change how we see ourselves.
Being kind to others in whatever shape it takes, gets us out of our own heads. And that can be a very healthy thing.
A simple way to sum this up is:
Social connection + positive feelings + positive thoughts = feeling good because we’re doing good.
Reference (s)
Lyubomirsky, S (2018). Papers and publications. Retrieved December 8, 2018 from http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Havelock Ellis
Whatever is holding us down and keeping us from going after what we say we want is probably something we need to let go.
Whatever is occupying our minds to the point of obsession is probably something we need to let go.
Have you ever chastised yourself for a mistake you might have made only to discover later that either you didn’t make one, or it wasn’t nearly as big a deal as you thought? Me, too.
Being present in the moment is about letting go of stuff — baggage — that’s weighing us down and making us trip over ourselves. It’s keeping us from appreciating and enjoying what’s happening right now.
There are a few lessons in life that are critically important to learn. One of them is knowing when to let something go so that we can focus on the present.
Everything you’ll ever need to know about positioning yourself for success can be learned from watching cats “play fight.”
We have two “inside” cats who vie for power every day. There’s been an increase in their struggle for position since one of our other “inside” cats died a few weeks ago. She was the “middle” kitty protected by the alpha male and despised by the beta male. Now that she’s gone, Dobby (beta) is attacking Harry (alpha).
Harry will win. He always wins. Harry is fatter and arguably slower because of his weight, but he’s infinitely more experienced than Dobby. He’s also more daring. He’s that cat we warn others not to touch. He’s my guard cat.
Some people think I’m joking when I say that.
Jiujitsu is all about technique and experience. Both Harry and Dobby are declawed (front paws – not by us). For a long time I wouldn’t let them outside, but Harry begged. Dobby was scared to venture out.
Now, they’ve both spent so much time outside that Harry has learned when to come inside while Dobby stubbornly remains out. There are coyotes, raccoons, opossums, foxes, and feral cats roaming around our property.
Harry has dispensed with every feral cat that he deemed unworthy. Meanwhile, Dobby kills mice. Nice, but Harry can do that, too.
Harry is a no-nonsense fighter. He’s got more “moves” at his disposal, knows when to execute them, and wins every fight he and Dobby have.
Does this mean the young can’t win? No, but it does mean that they might want to take time learning the basics because, at least in kitty jiujutsu, it’s the basics that win every time.
I’ll have to follow this up with an article about spiders and location. You’ll like it even if you’re terrified of spiders as much as I am.
Is this actually possible? Can we find meaning everywhere? What does it mean to “find meaning?”
This has been a topic of study for more than 50 years, and we still don’t have a complete grasp of it.
What is meaning?
Is it about the work we do? What if we hate our job?
Is it volunteer work? What if we do that because we feel obligated?
How do we find meaning in the mundane? Wait, how do we define mundane?
How do we find meaning in tragedy?
Viktor Frankl asserted that we’re in a constant search for meaning and that our stress and anxiety is rooted in this need to find it. It can be found in happy, sad, and tragic moments (Frankl, 1984).
In Buddhist traditions we learn that life is suffering because of our attachments, i.e., our selfish desire to hold on to things, people, places, etc. (High Commissioner’s Dialogue on Protection Challenges, 2012).
Maybe meaning is simply finding our “why?” as Simon Sinek postulated in his first Ted Talk (TED, 2009).
Regardless of our beliefs about meaning, one thing is clear. Most, if not all of us, are searching. We want to know why we’re here.
Bu then, maybe the answer is 42.
It isn’t. Mark Twain is credited with saying “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
Sinek is spot on, and finding your “why” has little to do with the work you do, and everything with how you live the life you’ve got.
References
Burton, N. (2012, May 24). Man’s search for meaning. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/mans-search-meaning
Frankl, V. (1984). Man’s search for meaning. New York, NY: Washington Square Books.
High Commissioner’s Dialogue on Protection Challenges, (2012, November 20). The Buddhist core values and perspectives for protection challenges: faith and protection.
Sinek, S. (2009). How great leaders inspire action. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en
Victor Frankl Institute, 2018. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.hostgator.com/help/article/hostgator-free-ssl
