by KDMiller | Happiness and Well-being
Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.
Brene Brown
A curious thing happened today. For two weeks I’ve posted a survey in a particular Facebook group with a single question: How would you rate your level of happiness during the past week? Respondents were provided a familiar Likert-type scale. Most of us recognize this kind of rating without knowing its name. In the survey, participants could choose from among the following: excellent, very good, good, not very good, awful. The posting was prefaced with “this is an unofficial and informal survey” so that anyone participating could certainly opt out.
Today someone responded to the post negatively. She went so far as to tell me to “go away.” This made me wonder.
The group’s focus is to have discussion and debate about issues relating to their community. Certainly, one’s level of happiness could fall into this category. The first time I posted, a man inquired as to whether what I was posting applied to the group. After inviting him to investigate my mission, there were no more questions.
What is it about discussing happiness that is so offensive?
Nothing. What it is though is scary. It’s scary for us to open ourselves up to others and admit how happy or unhappy we truly are. That makes us vulnerable.
The woman or an admin removed her comment. That was equally intriguing.
Vulnerability means weakness in the eyes of many, but in this knowledge-based economy, one in which emotional intelligence matters, maybe being vulnerable is the key to a successful, happy life.
by KDMiller | Personal Development
A good spicy challenge strikes a balance between flavour and fear.
Adam Richman
Why do we challenge ourselves? Sometimes it’s to prove something to someone else, but oftentimes it’s simply to prove something to ourselves.
We all have that voice in our head. You know the one I’m talking about. It nags at you. Sometimes it screams at you.
“You’re a fraud!”
“You don’t know what you’re doing!”
“You suck!”
But that voice isn’t true.
When we’re on the edge, learning something new, working toward becoming an expert, we’re not a fraud. We’re an explorer.
When we don’t yet know exactly what we’re doing. We’re an explorer.
When that nasty little voice pouts, “You suck!” It’s because it’s not an explorer. But you and I are.
The language we use to describe our world matters. Challenges can be accepted or denied. You and I are the kind of people who accept challenges, whip them about, make them ours, and keep moving forward.
by KDMiller | Meaning and Purpose, Personal Development
Do or do not. There is no try.
Yoda
After you’ve made your choice and the dust has settled, it’s time to commit to your path. You might think that you did when you made the choice. Nope. It happens after that.
How many times have you made a choice only to constantly question it after the fact? You weren’t committed.
Making a choice is step one. Committing to that choice — going “all in, balls to the wall,” is step two.
Some of you are afraid to fully commit to your choices. If you are, then I’d like you to re-think the word fear. Here’s your new mantra:
Fabulous
Effort
Absolutely
Required
Commit to your path. Relish in it. Own it.
by KDMiller | Happiness and Well-being, Meaning and Purpose
How we begin our morning sets the tone for the rest of our day.
I could leave this entire article at that, but I won’t.
A few years ago something happened that upset my apple cart, so to speak. Maybe you’ve experienced a similar feeling.
During the night, I’d feel this churning in the pit of my stomach. Soon it would move to my chest. Breathing would become difficult and I’d wake, gasping for air.
I’d been sleeping the entire time. Imagining.
Imagining, what? Who knows?
I would awake, gasping to catch a breath.
This feeling – sensation – stemmed from not making the choices that I knew needed to be made. I know this because once a choice was made, the sensation — the inability to breath, to sleep through the night — stopped.
What stops us from making the tough choices we need to make so that we not only survive, but thrive? What are we afraid of?
These are the two questions we need to answer if we hope to find meaning and purpose. People who’ve answered these questions might still fear some things, but they don’t fear making the choices that propel them toward fulfilling their mission.
Finding your one thing is part art, part fearlessness, and a whole lot of simply being willing to make the choices that matter most to our inner voice.
You know that voice. We all do.
by KDMiller | Self-Management
Memories are just stories we tell ourselves about our past, and that’s often why they don’t match when we’ve shared the same experiences with someone.
~ John Slattery
Have you ever experienced a time when you and a close friend (or spouse) are debating about a particular event you both attended, but that you have very different memories of? Me, too.
This happens in part because we’re different people, but also because of how our memories get encoded (stored.) Think of your memory like a filing system. Sometimes stuff gets lost or mixed up because so many people are handling the file.
But, in this case, it’s primarily us handling the file at different ages and stages of our lives.
Each time we dig the file out, we affect the memory so when it gets put back it’s different. Consequently, each time we retrieve it, the memory has changed.
When we construct stories about ourselves, they’re often based on memories that we’ve inadvertently manipulated simply by recalling them time and again.
This is important to remember when we construct the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves OR when we buy into the stories others tell us about ourselves.
Memories are fragile.
