When you think of a “touchstone,” it’s usually a person with whom you can share your deepest desires, hopes, fears, frustrations, and dreams. This is your “go-to” cheerleader/accountability partner.
But what if you don’t have someone in that role?
You need to keep going after your goals and be open to possibilities. While you’re developing yourself, you will begin to gain exposure to more people who can step into this position. But, you need to be vigilant and patient.
Touchstones are your inner circle. They look after you, mentally and sometimes physically. They challenge and uplift you. In colloquial terms, “They’ve got your back.”
So what about worry dolls?
When I was a little girl, I received a small lidded basket filled with tiny worry dolls. I loved them! I knew they were from Guatemala, but that was about all. At the time, I didn’t understand their purpose.
Image credit: Kori D. Miller
Recently, I received a new set (my first has been MIA for many years.) These are like the above picture.
Worry dolls let you leave your worries with them. The legend is that you whisper your worries to them, place them beneath your pillow, and you’ll sleep more soundly.
This is akin to writing your worries in a journal before bed or using worry beads. The bottom line is that you’re freeing your mind so that you are able to sleep. For those who don’t want to try mediation (guided or traditional), this might be a viable option.
It’s important to allow your mind to rest because that’s the time memories are consolidated and learning occurs. Does learning happen other times? Of course, but this is background processing. Magic happens here.
Have you ever gone to bed thinking about a problem, drifted off to sleep and awakened with a solution based on some whacky dream?
That was background processing in action.
The take-way is this: Find a way to free your mind so that you’re able to rest. Do this by,
Meditating
Visualization
Practicing Tai Chi or Yoga before bed
Journaling
Drawing/doodling
Praying
Using worry dolls
Talking with your “touchstone”
None of us live a worry-free life. The important thing is that we learn how to cope with those moments when worry wants to take over and invade our sleep.
Credit: Swancourt via YouTube: Abbott and Costello
When you’re struggling with a problem, one of the best things you can do is find something to laugh about.
Intuitively, we know this is true.
Laughing reduces stress and anxiety. It gets oxygen flowing (especially the BIG belly laughs that make you cry) and “clears” your head.
Laughter frees our mind and pushes whatever we were stuck processing toward the back. Making our previous unfinished task kind of like a silent movie.
We can’t fully focus on two things at once. This splits our attention. But when we’ve been working on a problem and leave it, our brain doesn’t stop “thinking” about it.
How many times have you experienced an “ah, ha!” moment while doing a task completely unrelated to the one you were actually involved in at that moment?
A lot, right?
If you’re not getting enough laughter in your day-to-day, consider making it a habit.
Schedule time to watch funny movies, videos, or go see a comedian. If you can’t manage that, hang out with your kids (or someone else’s if you don’t have your own.) They’re a guaranteed source of laughter!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
It’s probably accurate to say that many of us have moments of laziness. Sometimes it’s because we’ve worked long hours, and still need to help children with homework, get everyone fed, make lunches, and get everyone in bed at a reasonable time.
We do all of that, and then think, “It’s time for me to relax.” Which is another way of saying “veg out,” or be lazy for a while. I get it. I’m fairly certain I wore that t-shirt sometime in the past week.
On the surface, this isn’t a “bad” thing. We do need down time.
But what kind of downtime will benefit our brains and bodies most?
Is it several hours in front of a screen watching Netflix, Hulu, or something else? (Oi, how I love Netflix, and more recently Hulu. I have to limit myself to 1-2 hours for the day or I’ll be up all night.)
Probably not.
All those screen time warnings we see for children and teens apply to us, too.
When we’re engaged with our screens, we’re disconnecting with the people around us. We are social creatures who need contact. That contact can come from engagement via our devices, but it’s certainly not ideal.
Ask anyone whose been deployed how ideal that is. Or, someone who travels for their living. That type of connection is their “lifeline” to their most important people, but it’s not even close to an acceptable replacement.
In the movie “A Knight’s Tale,” young William queries, “Can a man change his stars?”
Of course this has nothing to do with being male, female, black, white, or all the shades in between.
It’s a question about agency, control, and volition.
Do we have control over our lives and how we choose to live? Most of us can truthfully answer yes.
Do we always act as though we do? Not necessarily.
Radical ownership, which I wrote about here is about agency, control, and volition. At our core, our “heart of hearts,” this is what everyone yearns to experience and possess like a precious gem.
When we have it, it’s something that must be protected, but not hidden.
Once we’ve fought our demons and changed our stars, what’s next? We must pave the way for more to follow.
William kept his gem protected, but then this happened:
“My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
Life isn’t about what others have done to us, and not even what they’ve done for us.
Life is about how we respond to or handle what we perceive others have done to us or for us.
Radical ownership is taking full responsibility for our thoughts, words, and resulting action or inaction.
It’s understanding our values and allowing those values to guide all that we think, say, do, or don’t do.
Is it always easy? Nope.
Will there be times when you want to blame someone for where you are or what’s happening in your life? Yep.
Living your values 100% of the time is a growth process. Sure there are some people who it appears have done this since birth, but that’s rare.
Most of us have to develop over time, learn as we go, fall down, and then pull ourselves back up. If we’re fortunate, though, we’ve surrounded ourselves with people moving in the same direction.
If we’re very fortunate, we have guides who are already living their values.
This is how you can jump-start the process:
Step 1: Be honest with yourself
Step 2: Use an assessment to help you uncover your values if you’re struggling to articulate them
Step 3: Focus on one value each week. Lead and follow with it.
Step 4: Journal about your values.
How will you take radical ownership of your day today?
