I spent 20 minutes deciding which bread to buy. It was supposed to be a quick in/out trip to the store, but because I arrived late in the day, the bread I usually buy was gone. I spent another ten minutes in the egg aisle debating between brands and if my family really needed eighteen eggs versus twelve, because, well, egg prices. Each of these decisions—buying a different bread and choosing between egg brands share one thing in common: bounded rationality. But what the heck is that?
Bounded rationality means that our experiences and the environment constrain our ability to make purely rational decisions. We might be bound by time, available information, and/or cognitive capacity (the info we can process and keep in our heads at any time.) Here’s a 3-Minute Introduction to the concept.
Trapped in a Loop
Without realizing it, bounded rationality was in full effect. When I arrived at the store, I ultimately had to settle for whatever “good enough” bread remained that I believed my family might like, and that still fit some of my requirements. The eggs? That came down to the price per egg because ultimately I’m not brand loyal. My family’s preferences, time, and cost all influenced my decision. This happens to everyone.
For example, you’re in a store like I was except you’re exhausted from having stayed up late with your sick child, dropped them at daycare (without mentioning they were tossing cookies well into the early ‘morn—no judging, it happens), and arrived at work for a 10-hour shift. Now you need to buy groceries, but you also skipped lunch and are borderline hangry.
What factors determine your grocery purchases? Bounded rationality for the win!
In the above example, you’re more likely to choose the “good enough” (aka satisficing) options instead of trying to make the optimal choices. You’ll lean into short cuts like, “I bought this before, I’ll just get this.” Of course, if you’re truly exhausted, you might walk out with a few pints of Ben & Jerry’s, a bag of popcorn, and pre-sliced veggies. Protein, fiber, and vitamins.
We have limits on our ability to make the absolute best decisions in every aspect of our lives. It’s unrealistic to believe we know every piece of information before deciding. That doesn’t stop us from trying, though!
When Bounded Rationality Hinders Success
Bounded rationality is useful, that’s why we do it, but it can mean our choices aren’t as helpful as they could be. My family and I are watching The Last of Us. I’m not usually a zombie person, but the show is decent. In every apocalyptic show we’ve watched, the characters never make the optimal choice. For example, Kathleen.
Kathleen is pissed. There’s no getting around that fact. Why? ‘Cause someone killed her brother. She knows who. She knows why. None of that matters to Kathleen. The only thing that does is, in her words, “justice.” She kills the only doctor in their encampment because he won’t tell her where to find the killer. She expends finite resources to find him.
How does bounded rationality rule her world? Based on her experiences, she views certain people as expendable, values loyalty to her above all else (initially using follower’s loyalty to her brother as a stepping stone), and doesn’t tolerate anyone questioning her behavior or decisions. They fall in line. When she insists on pursuing her brother’s killer, she believes doing so will give her the result she wants. Kathleen entertains no other outcomes.
If Kathleen had thought about other outcomes, she … oh, I can’t tell you! I don’t want to spoil the show for you!
Identify the Mental Shortcuts You Use Daily
People love hacks. We’re “all in” for anything that makes getting what we want easier and faster. So it’s no surprise that our brain is hard-wired to look for the simplist decision-making route. In psychological terms, a heuristic is a way for us to decide things quickly.
For example, what’s the best-selling soda brand in the world? (Google it after you finish reading!)
When we are deciding something, two heuristics commonly come into play.
Availability Heuristic: We determine the likelihood of an event based on how easily information about it comes to mind
Framing Effect: The presentation (packaging) of the information influences our choice(s).
The best-selling soda is an example of an availability heuristic. Based on your knowledge of soda brands, whatever popped into your head first is probably the one you selected as “best-selling.” It did for me (and I was right!)
An example of framing is seeing two packages for the same product. The first describes the item as “90% fat free” and the second as having “10% fat.” 1Sage Students (16 June 2022). The Mental Shortcuts that Define Your World https://youtu.be/izciZdvChO8?si=rLNOrASTx26e5uGE Most people would choose the first one. Marketers are adept at their use of framing, but so are we. The language we use to describe our experiences can shift our mindset and motivation. Have you read Carol Dweck’s book Mindset?
Bounded Rationality and Cognitive Biases
These heuristics are not the same as cognitive biases, of which there are several. Cognitive biases are more accurately described as “thinking errors.” Anchoring and confirmation biases are examples.
How Does the Anchoring Effect Affect Decisions?
Anchoring involves attaching more importance to the first piece of information you receive, and then comparing everything else to it. For example, you get a quote for window installation from a contractor and maybe you think it’s too high. You decide to get at least two more quotes.
During the decision process, you give more weight to the initial quote because you received it first, not necessarily because it’s better. In fact, if the other quotes are lower, you’ll likely want to know why, but this is because of your anchor. You don’t consider that the initial quote might have been completely off base.
The price of window installation is only one piece of information. The anchoring bias can stop you from considering the quality of a product (the windows), the reputation of a contractor, their responsiveness, and many other things that comprise a purchase decision. To counter this, you gather more information, compare “apples to apples” (or try to!) and then decide.
What is Confirmation Bias?
A confirmation bias happens when we unconsciously seek information that supports our position and ignore or discount anything that doesn’t. This bias also affects how we interpret and remember (or don’t) information relevant to our beliefs. The easiest example of this is politics.
Compare these two article titles: McDonald’s posts biggest US sales drop since Covid-19 pandemic vs Trump trade war hits McDonald’s as US sales fall sharply.
Which would you read?
Based solely on the titles, would you say they lean left, right, or center? Confirmation bias affects the articles we choose to read. We are more likely to choose whichever title already fits our current beliefs about a subject.
What information are we missing? Scary, isn’t it? Fortunately, we can guard against these two biases.
Bounded Rationality Action Steps
Pay attention to how you make snap judgments about people and situations.
Notice when you default to familiar solutions rather than exploring new ones.
Keep track of decisions made quickly and analyze their effectiveness.
Recognize when these heuristics help and when they lead to poor decisions.
Challenge your assumptions when making important choices.
Question information that confirms your existing belief.
Seek opposing perspectives that test your stance.
Balance Intuition with Rational Thinking
Intuition is that nudge you sense when something feels off, but it’s also the excitement you feel, but can’t explain, when you know in your bones that you’re heading in the right direction. It’s your internal GPS, but like Google maps, sometimes it leads you down a narrow alley instead of a street.
Good decision-making benefits from gathering information, stepping back for a short period, analyzing the data, and then deciding. 2Farrell, M. (6 Jan 2023) Data and Intuition: Good decisions need both. Harvard Business Publishing, https://harvardbusiness.org/data-and-intution-good-decisions-need-both No rush required, regardless of FOMO. Push past that nonsense. Approach decisions “eyes wide open.”
Deciding to do or not do something combines intuition (past experiences, including those we observe) and information gathering. While we can’t possibly know everything — bounded rationality — at the moment, we can make the best possible decision with what we know (intuition + experiences).
How to Avoid Decision Paralysis
For about 14 years, we operated a specialty tea business. Every spring through summer, and at any event, we offered free samples. With over 100 custom blends available, narrowing the field to only six each week was part science, part luck. Six was the magic number. More than that, and I’d see a glaze settle over our potential customer’s eyes.
It’s possible to have too much information and suffer from decision paralysis. I’d seen it many times when people came into our store and saw the number of teas displayed in sniffing jars. Where should they start?
We have to narrow our choices, but not so much that we’re only relying on our gut to decide. After all, intuition is partly about pattern recognition.3 Alós-Ferrer, C. (24 March 2023). The Dangers of Intuition. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 6, 2025 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/decisions-and-the-brain-/202303/the-dangers-of-intuition
We become so adept at finding them that sometimes we forget to gather important details.
For example, when a customer’s eyes glazed over, I’d ask, “What flavors do you like?” This helped us narrow their choices. If the answer included citrus, I’d steer them toward Tropical Dreams (one of our best sellers), and a handful of others (never over six). Thus, giving them their place to start.
Intuition vs Rationality Action Steps
Use intuition for quick, low-risk decisions but rely on analysis for complex ones.
Double-check intuitive decisions with logical reasoning when necessary.
Get a second opinion when making high-stakes choices.
Use data and evidence rather than relying solely on gut feelings.
Automate predictable decisions to save mental energy. For example, work clothing.
Establish personal rules (e.g., always choosing the healthiest option from a menu).
Create a structured process for evaluating major life or business decisions. (ex., 6 Thinking Hats)
How to Use the Six Thinking Hats to counter Bounded Rationality
The Six Thinking Hats helps you explore your problem from six perspectives (roles). Dr. Edward de Bono developed TheSix Thinking Hats, which is a form of parallel thinking (an alternative to adversarial thinking). He’s also the person behind the concept of lateral thinking. Through his work on lateral, and then parallel thinking, De Bono’s focus became “what can be.”
In a group setting (family, business, nonprofit), everyone wears the same hat at the same time. This helps to ensure everyone is starting and ending on the same page while discussing a problem.
THE HATS (in this order)
Blue Hat (Process Control): The focus is on managing the thinking process, setting objectives, and summarizing outcomes. Usually only one person takes on this role. Their job is to keep everyone focused and they decide when it’s appropriate to move forward to another hat.
White Hat (Facts): This hat is all about objectivity. You focus on what you know and don’t know about the problem or topic.
Red Hat (Emotions & Feelings): No judging or justification needed. Share and acknowledge your gut reaction, feelings, and intuition. The red hat frees everyone to be honest about the problem without fear.
Black Hat (Caution): Identify potential downsides and risks. What are possible unintended consequences?
Yellow Hat (Optimism): What are the potential benefits, advantages, and/or opportunities related to solving the problem.
Green Hat (Creativity): Brainstorm. What are some new ideas, alternatives, or possibilities related to the current situation? Remember, there are no right/wrong answers during brainstorming.
Now it’s your turn. What problem do you want to tackle using The Six Thinking Hats method?
The next time you kick yourself for making a less-than-optimal decision, recognize bounded rationality is at play. Then, conduct a post-mortem on your decision. Learn the lessons your choice revealed, and move forward. While this might be difficult sometimes (no one enjoys admitting they’ve screwed up), it’s how we make lasting, sustainable changes in our lives.
Citations
1
Sage Students (16 June 2022). The Mental Shortcuts that Define Your World https://youtu.be/izciZdvChO8?si=rLNOrASTx26e5uGE
2
Farrell, M. (6 Jan 2023) Data and Intuition: Good decisions need both. Harvard Business Publishing, https://harvardbusiness.org/data-and-intution-good-decisions-need-both
3
Alós-Ferrer, C. (24 March 2023). The Dangers of Intuition. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 6, 2025 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/decisions-and-the-brain-/202303/the-dangers-of-intuition
Your Default Mode Network (DMN) is a road trip playlist curated by your subconscious—one minute it’s a nostalgic bop, the next it’s that song you can’t stand, but can’t skip.
The DMN is the detour you didn’t expect, but sometimes leads to cool adventures and amazing sites. Our Default Mode Network may sometimes wander aimlessly, but that mind wandering also can be a time for creative exploration and problem solving.
Understand Your Brain’s Resting State
When we aren’t doing anything that demands our focused attention, the Default Mode Network takes the driver’s seat and hits shuffle on the entertainment dashboard.
Researchers have identified four areas of the brain that activate when a person isn’t performing a specific, externally driven task. They are the dorsomedial and ventromedial prefrontal cortex, anterior and posterior cingulate cortex, lateral parietal cortex, and the precuneus. These regions play a role in emotion, personality, introspection, and memory.
Self-representation. The way we see ourselves, including our traits and dispositions.
Theory of Mind (ToM). Our attempt to figure out the intentions of other people.
Simulations. Led by the question, “What if?”, the DMN runs a variety of scenarios.
Our brain likes to be busy—even in resting awake states, like daydreaming, mind wandering, meditation, and some mindfulness activities.
Mind wandering and daydreaming aren’t necessarily dependent on a particular outside (external) stimulus and are typically unrelated to a specific task. Both experiences also can be intentional or unintentional. Some researchers use mind wandering and daydreaming interchangeably. We’re not doing that. So, what’s the difference?
Mind wandering is broader and described as “task unrelated thought.” It can be deliberate or spontaneous, with the former more often associated with positive thoughts, and the latter with negative thoughts (Barnett & Kaufman, 2020).
Researchers also consider the plausibility of the mind wandering. Does it relate to a real-life situation about which running simulations in your mind helps you plan, prepare, and problem-solve? Are those events happening now or in the immediate future? Barnett and Kaufman (2020) view mind-wandering on a spectrum, with one end reflecting thoughts that are closer to real life and the opposite end being “impossibly fanciful.”
When mind wandering involves scenarios that aren’t realistic, i.e., the likelihood of their occurring is highly unlikely or near zero, then we’re daydreaming. For example, maybe you’re daydreaming about what it would be like to be an eagle or travel to Mars. The first is fantastical, but the second is possible, though remote.
Daydreaming is future-oriented and often deliberate. When it leans more toward fantastical imaginings that disrupt your day, then it’s considered maladaptive.
With our better understanding of the DMN, we can use its strengths to our advantage.
DMN Action Steps
Use a mood tracking app to notice correlations between mental states and DMN activity.
Identify which activities (e.g., walking, showering) enhance your insights.
Reframe the Default Mode Network
The Default Mode Network is about our inner world — how we see ourselves and how we assess our social world as it relates to us. We can choose to reflect on its musings, positive and negative, so we can become the best versions of ourselves. We also can delve into those negative thoughts, evaluate their truthfulness and accuracy, then purposely reframe them in a more positive way.
Reframing is looking at a problem or a challenging situation from a more constructive perspective. For example, in April 2025, the stock market plummeted. If you had money in retirement or self-directed investment accounts, you might have experienced anxiety and panic watching the value of your portfolios drop.
Your anxious thoughts might have scolded you for selling, not selling, not buying the dip, buying the dip, borrowing to buy the dip, or not putting your money into something safer. As you kept a close eye on the news, your thoughts might have shouted, “You’re going to lose everything! You’re an idiot!”
But are those thoughts true? Are your emotions and feelings taking over?
The value of stocks always goes up and down, sometimes dramatically, other times slothlike. Either way, it’s out of your control. If you want to continue investing, reframing the highs and lows of investing is an important skill. Reframing looks like, “Stocks are on sale now!” (I’m not suggesting you borrow to buy the dip, though.)
Reframing is powerful. You can use it to change any negative thought.
DMN Action Steps
Track your DMN activity for 1 -2 days. Are your thoughts negative or positive? When are they happening? Is there a time of day when your thoughts are more positive than negative?
Keep a journal to track insights or creative ideas that come during downtime.
Practice mindfulness meditation for 5–15 minutes daily. Start small.
Schedule quiet, tech-free moments to allow your mind to wander naturally.
Use reflective questions like, “What patterns of thought keep resurfacing?”
Go outside. Bonus points if you can do this for a few minutes in the morning. Morning light exposure helps reset your internal clock. This helps you sleep better!
Harness the Power of Visualization
Most people can create mental images. In fact, only 2 – 4% of people experience aphantasia (the brain doesn’t create pictures) and this inability isn’t a disability, medical, or mental health condition. It’s simply a difference in how a person’s brain works.
Some people construct vivid images, noting even minute details. Others think more broadly. Wherever you land on the continuum, you can use visualization to harness your creative spirit and move in a consistently positive direction.
While you can practice visualization anywhere, when you’re just getting started, it’s a good idea to find a quiet spot. Position yourself comfortably. Then,
Choose an object in your environment. Examine it for 1 -2 minutes.
Close your eyes or soften your gaze. If softening your gaze, then turn away from the object.
Use bellybreathing to ready your mind. Inhale through your nose, allowing your belly to fill with air. Let this breath flow into your chest without raising your shoulders. You can track this by resting one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Exhale through your pursed lips or your nose. If it helps you, count in for four and out for four.
Recall as many details about the object as possible. What shape is it? What colors? What’s its size? Does it have a scent? Is its surface soft, rough, hard?
Practicing visualization in this way several times each week will improve your ability to create mental pictures. Before long, you’ll be able to use visualization to “see” every step in any goal you want to accomplish. Visualizing the process is as important, if not more important than, “seeing” the end goal.
As your visualization skills strengthen, you can choose to use a first or third person perspective. Which one is better? To gain more insight into this, think about a work of fiction you’ve read. What drew you into the story? Was it written in first or third person? These usually are the dominant choices in fiction writing.
Books written in first person, particularly ones written in first person present tense, give readers a sense of being part of the action. Readers discover and experience everything in the story simultaneously with the main character. This also happens in first person, past tense, but not to the same degree. Present tense is the critical piece.
Third person is about observation. As readers, we’re on the outside watching the characters do clever, baffling, annoying, and sometimes foolish things. We don’t feel the same sense of control, emotion, or feelings.
This isn’t how we want to engage in our visualization activities. We’re not meant to be outside observers of our lives. We’re meant to be involved in the thick of it!
DMN Action Steps
Gradually increase the time you spend visualizing.
Create a vision board or digital collage to solidify your mental imagery.
Revisit your visualization practice weekly to reinforce positive thinking.
Manage Default Mode Network Overactivity
It’s three a.m. Your eyes pop open. Thoughts scramble, each worse than the last. You’re spiraling. Worry sets into your spine. Something’s different this time, though. Now, you know it’s your default mode network in action. Maybe you’ve given your DMN a name (helpful), but controlling it still isn’t automatic.
Like any new skill, we have to engage in deliberate practice to reap the rewards. Crafting a memorable line of dialogue, a witty joke, an efficient piece of code, whatever the skill, repetition is the key. There’s no failure because each opportunity gives us insights. We learn bit by bit, tweak by tweak. Eventually, the behaviors necessary to complete our task automatize.
DMN Action Steps
Recognize signs of rumination or overthinking.
Use grounding techniques like deep breathing or body scanning.
Consider cognitive-behavioral strategies. For example, journaling, distraction, or self-compassion to redirect unproductive thought loops.
The next time your thoughts wander and your DMN shuffles to a song you’d rather skip, remember you’re in the driver’s seat. You choose the adventure.
References
Galinato, M. (2022 Aug 30). Rest: The Default Mode Network. BrainFacts.org. Retrieved Ap. 4, 2024.
Menon, V. (2023). 20 years of the default mode network: A review and synthesis. Neuron, 111(16) DOI: 10.1016/j.neuron.2023.04.023
Barnett, P. J., & Kaufman, J. C. (2020). Mind wandering: Framework of a lexicon and musings on creativity In D. D. Preiss, D. Cosmelli, & J. C. Kaufman (Eds.), Creativity and the wandering mind: Spontaneous and controlled cognition (pp. 3-24).San Diego: Academic Press.
Marks, T. (10 Feb 2021). Maladaptive daydreaming vs. Mind Wandering: How to tell the difference. YouTube. https://youtu.be/Qt-8WxxdTPQ
Huberman, A. (24 Jan 2023). Using light for health. Huberman Lab. Retrieved April 11, 2024 from https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter/using-light-for-health
Cleveland Clinic (31 Aug 2023). Aphantasia: What it is, causes, symptoms, and treatments. Retrieved April 29, 2025 from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/25222-aphantasia
Cleveland Clinic (30 March 2022). Diaphragmatic breathing exercises and benefits. Retrieved April 29, 2025 from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/9445-diaphragmatic-breathing
Calm (n.d.). How cognitive shuffling can quiet racing thoughts at bedtime. Retrieved April 30, 2025 from https://www.calm.com/blog/cognitive-shuffling
What does a fundamental forward shift and learning to swim have in common?
When I was a kid, my parents put me into swimming lessons. I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember not wanting to go. Up to that moment, I’d been content with life in the shallow end.
But staying there wasn’t an option.
The first day of lessons, kids eager to launch themselves from the side of the pool surrounded me. Meanwhile, I stood shivering and waiting for the lesson to be over. I knew that eventually, maybe not this day, but soon, I’d have to go into the deep end.
Along the edge of the pool, the other kids giggled and squirmed. I wasn’t having any of it and backed further away. One instructor waved, encouraging me to move closer. From the viewing gallery, I sensed the Wise One’s eyes on me. (He’s my inspiration for “the look” that I cultivated so well it still stops misbehaving children mid-tantrum.)
I inched forward.
One-by-one, we jumped into the pool. This was the easy part. I’d done it hundreds of times before, and loved it — in the safety of the shallow end.
But when the instructors announced that to pass the class we’d have to jump from the diving board, a detail of which my parents failed to mention, panic shot through me like a ball racing around a pinball machine.
One added, “Your toes have to dangle at the end of the board.” The other gave us a visual. One hand plopped over the other, fingers fluttering. I hated these people.
Surely they were joking. Why would our toes need to be in that specific spot?
The day finally arrived. We marched dutifully to the deep end of the pool, each awaiting our fate. Some exuberant, others, mainly me, not so much.
Splash! Plop!
“Can I do it again?” Over and over, until …
It was my turn to step onto the board, my sloth skills in full effect.
“A little bit more. Get your toes over the edge.”
One tiny step forward.
“More. You’re almost there.”
The scratchy bumps of the board scraped along the bottoms of my feet.
“Jump!”
“No.”
“You can do it. We’re right here. Jump!”
“No.”
Actions or thoughts that propel us forward or yank us backward require consistency. It’s the key. The only question is if we’re willing to break the connection between our consistent negative actions or thoughts, in favor of positive, more healthful ones.
Think how consistent our behaviors and thoughts are when we’re stopping ourselves from moving toward the thing we say we want. That level of consistency, applied in a more beneficial, perhaps more challenging, direction, is a fundamental forward shift.
A fundamental forward shift is understanding that we get what we want through small, positively skewed, consistent actions and thoughts. It doesn’t matter if those actions are successes or failures, but how we think about those failures matters tremendously.
Like a lot of things in life, failure ain’t all bad. This reminds me of something Captain Jack Sparrow said in Pirates of the Caribbean.
The problem isn’t the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
Few people would say, “I love failing!” Most times, failure sucks. It’s mentally and physically draining. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, like when you mean to dive gracefully into a pool, but bellyflop instead. Other times, no one sees our failure, but we feel like we’re drowning in it.
Consider this: without failure, we wouldn’t know how great success feels. In fact, we wouldn’t be able to define success. Failure builds resiliency. We learn and grow through our mistakes. When we navigate a failure, we feel better about ourselves and we learn what to avoid or change the next time. It teaches us we have the stuff it takes to succeed. We also figure out how to manage the negative emotions that bubble to the surface when we fail.
All that’s great, but the best thing about failure is that we don’t have to experience it to learn from it. When we see other people fail, we learn the obvious “don’t do what they did,” and we gain empathy. Seeing other people fail also confirms we’re not the only ones who struggle. For some, it might temporarily increase their sense of self-worth as they compare themselves to the person who failed.
Failure and the Art of Juggling
How to change your mindset and unleash your potential
There I was, toes dangling, dare I say fluttering, ever so slightly off the end of the diving board, and wanting desperately to be anywhere else but on the precipice of … okay, I’m being dramatic.
The point is, I wanted off that board and the only way off was into the water. I had to trust the instructors, but more importantly, I had to trust and believe in myself.
Through consistent effort (and an attitude adjustment care of The Wise One), I’d developed the fundamental skills that would move me forward. Had I attended the lessons, but refused to practice, that consistent, but negative behavior would have held me back.
The key is consistency, so why not choose the route that benefits us most? Why not choose positively skewed actions and thoughts?
Because we’re scared.
It’s okay to be afraid. Change is exciting, often overwhelming, and filled with uncertainty. But we’ve all heard it before. Uncertainty is where the action is. If we want different anything, then we have to embrace uncertainty.
DId I jump into the pool? Yes, and I did it again and again. Each time with less hesitation and uncertainty about the outcome. Experience does that, but consistency in thoughts and actions, positively skewed, made me keep climbing the ladder.
Here are 5 questions to help you with your fundamental forward shift.
What contributes to your fear of failing or succeeding?
What have you already learned about failure and success?
How can you reframe your thoughts about failure and success?
How would you describe failure? Is your description negatively skewed? Reframe it.
What was your last success (big or small)? Describe it. How does remembering it make you feel?
When you think about the things you’ve accomplished in your life, how did you do it? Who were the people who helped you?
Nothing is accomplished by a lone individual. Someone somewhere helped pave the way, or even more directly, gave you their time or access to resources.
For example, several years ago I made the decision to fulfill a lifelong goal. I’d studied martial arts off and on since I was 17-years-old, but hadn’t stayed anywhere long enough to get higher than the rank of brown belt.
When we relocated to our current home, I found a dojang that taught Hapkido. I fell in love with this art. Training was fun! My instructor and many senior students worked with me to prepare for each testing.
They weren’t the only ones, though. My husband practiced locks and other drills with me hours before I’d leave for each testing. If he couldn’t do it, which wasn’t often, our son would help me.
Grappling was part of our training, and I had no experience doing it. Other instructors broke it down for me, and I started to understand what to do, and when to do it.
I began to flourish under the guidance of my instructors and senior students. It was a fabulous experience filled with challenge and growth, but not just physically.
When I wanted to quit due to an injury, my instructor encouraged and pushed me not to give up. I was one rank away from my goal.
But, that injury was at the hands of the head instructor of the school. I was angry and frustrated. Why had he intentionally hurt me?
Every student who witnessed it, including my instructor, knew two things about me that day. First, I could take a serious hit, and second, I was going to walk out and never come back.
The anger I felt had to be overcome if I was going to reach the next level. If my instructor hadn’t been there to talk me out of it, I would have quit. And I would have regretted it.
I spent the next few months recovering and preparing for the next test. The week of black belt testing, I decided to get in a little more training in a different class. The instructor of that class paired us off and told us to practice techniques.
My partner, who wasn’t an Hapkidoist, asked me to throw a kick. He caught it, ripped my leg forward, and pulled it a bit out of its socket. I fell to the mat. He thought it was funny. When I was finally able to get up, I didn’t retaliate.
In the back of my mind, I heard my instructor telling me “don’t quit.”
When it was my turn, I explained what I was about to do. I had a cane — my weapon of choice. If I hadn’t explained the technique and what to expect, he would have had a broken arm or dislocated shoulder. Either way, lots of pain.
My instructor’s patience, encouragement, and understanding helped me reach first dan. He also prepared me to move on knowing that I couldn’t stay in that dojang. The anger I felt still was below the surface. Any trust I had for the head instructor and some of his students was gone.
That’s what touchstones do.
How familiar are you with “touchstones?” The first time I recall hearing the term I was reading a Marcia Muller novel more than twenty years ago. I recall thinking, “I like that idea.”
The idea wasn’t new, but the way it was used resonated with me. I’m fortunate to have family, friends, and instructors who filled this role then, and now.
No one can exist in a vacuum and flourish. We need other people.
Perhaps the most tragic examples that illustrate this are the more than153 million childrenworldwide living in orphanages. Institutional life isn’t compatible with forming strong attachments with a primary caregiver.
Researcher Nathan Fox found that young children in institutionalized settings havereduced grey and white matterin their brains. His Child Development Lab at the University of Maryland has ongoing studies with children inRomanian orphanages.
Neglect is positively correlated “with significant cognitive delays, increased risk for psychological disorders, and stunted physical growth.” Early interventions can reverse some and possibly all of these negative effects.
We need people. Not justanypeople, but supportive, life-affirming people.
This might seem obvious, but I’ve met hundreds of people throughout the United States who know this but don’t take steps to ensure it for themselves.
My father used to say, “If someone is an albatross around your neck, kick’em to the curb.” (That’s a bit of mixed imagery, but you get the point.)
When you think of a “touchstone,” it’s usually a person with whom you can share your deepest desires, hopes, fears, frustrations, and dreams. This is your “go-to” cheerleader/accountability partner.
It’s Buffy and Angel, Laverne and Shirley, Fonzie and Richie — wait, let me give a few contemporary examples. How about Bella and Edward, Patrick and Spongebob, or Aphmau and Aaron?
Who are your touchstones?
If you don’t have these kinds of people in your life right now, what can you do?
I’m borrowing this approach from all those dating websites. They always ask what kind of person you’re searching for in a mate. Well, this isn’t any different.
Start identifying the traits you’d like for the people you want in your life. You can do this through journaling. Yes, you want the person to be supportive and encouraging, but what else? How would you like them to do this? How do you want them to give you feedback?
We all know that what we focus on gets our attention. Finding your tribe and touchstone takes effort, time, and attention.
It also takes courage to move away from your core group when you realize they’re a weight not worth lifting. Leaving my dojang and all the people I enjoyed training with was a difficult decision, but it was the right one.
I ran into my former instructor from that school not so long ago. He gave me an interesting update that he believed might open the door for my return. We’ll see.
Touchstones are your inner circle. They look after you, mentally and sometimes physically. They challenge and uplift you. In colloquial terms, “They’ve got your back.”
Humor, or more specifically, laughter is contagious. Have you ever gotten a case of the giggles, that you couldn’t stop? How many other people around you started laughing, too? Did they know what you found so amusing?
The endorphin hit we get from laughing, helps us relax and the laughter can signal safety. So, we’re attracted to people who are laughing.
What is humor?
Definitions of humor vary by culture, but one thing is true, we all laugh. Even babies do it, and we don’t usually know why.
Was it useful from an evolutionary perspective? It must have been otherwise why did it stick around? Why isn’t everyone walking around scowling?
Humor relieves tension and stress, so maybe that’s why the trait stayed with us. It also bonds people together. That would have been useful back in the day.
Humor helps us in many ways. The Mayo Clinic lists several benefits. Among them are,
Activate and relieve your stress response
Sooth tension
Improve your immune system
Relieve pain
Improve your mood
Regardless of the reason, humor is a trait we all have. We don’t express it the same way, or with the same comedic timing of, Robin Williams, but we all use it.
Before we go much further, let’s get on the same page with a few definitions and research about humor.
Humor is:
the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech.
It’s important to make a distinction between humor and laughter. Humor is an evoked response to storytelling and shifting expectations. Laughter is a social signal among humans. It’s like a punctuation mark. — Carl Marci, MD
To understand humor, it’s also good to distinguish between a sense of humor and a style of humor. The former involves our ability to understand, laugh at, and appreciate jokes. The latter is our approach to using humor.
Dr. Rod A. Martin created the Humor Styles Questionnaire to study how people use humor. His work isn’t about the jokes themselves. It’s about the adaptive or maladaptive use of humor in everyday life. He and his colleagues identified four styles of humor. As you read each, a few examples will likely pop into your head right away.
They are:
Self-enhancing humor helps us feel good. If you’re able to cheer yourself up or poke fun at yourself in a good way, then this is you. You find humor in everyday life.
Affiliative humor helps us build relationships with others. We banter back and forth. It’s all good, clean fun. It’s witty.
Aggressive humor makes us feel good but at the expense of others. These are the jibes, snarky remarks, and hurtful teasing we do to put someone down.
Self-defeating humor helps us build relationships with others, but at the expense of ourselves. We’re the butt of every joke.
Martin notes that we usually have a combination of the styles, but lean more toward one than the others. Take the quiz and discover your style.
Sarcastic humor — Is it all bad?
How do you feel about sarcasm? If you’re like most people, you think it’s okay, but believe there’s a line you shouldn’t cross — unless it’s with a sibling. They’re fair game.
Sarcasm comes from the Greek word sarkazein, which meant “to tear flesh like a dog.” This word led to the Greek noun sarkasmos, meaning “a sneering or hurtful remark.” Sarkasmos made its way through French and Latin first. Then showed up in English around the mid-16th century.
Today sarcasm means,
a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.
the use of irony to mock or convey contempt
We use it so often, and have for so long, that to not appreciate it could be a sign that your brain isn’t working quite right. Researchers have studied sarcasm for more than 20 years. They’ve discovered a few interesting side effects of using sarcasm.
For instance, our brains work harder to understand and breakdown sarcastic comments. It requires us to think about how someone is saying something (tone), and that the meaning isn’t literal. This last part involves the theory of mind (ToM).
Here’s an interesting tip the next time you encounter a customer service representative. Sarcastic complaints work better with customer service agents than anger. It helps the agent get more creative when solving problems.
Francesca Gino and her research partners found a connection between sarcasm and creativity. The right amount, with the right tone, in the right situation can increase creativity.
That’s a lot to get right, though. And they do acknowledge that trust is a big factor in those situations.
Keeping all that in mind, step lightly when using your sarcasm. We all know that in emails it doesn’t work. It’s also not a good idea in close relationships.
The Gottman Institute is a leader in the study of what makes marriages and couplehood work. Dr. John Gottman, a founding partner, is well known for his ability to predict divorce with 90% accuracy. He discovered that six behaviors predict divorce. Of the six, the Four Horsemen are the most lethal. They are,
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Contempt is the most destructive because it involves defensive joking, aggressive/hostile humor (sarcasm), and mockery. You can stop this behavior from destroying your marriage or partnership. They explain how in, This one thing is the biggest predictor of divorce.
Is sarcasm all bad? No, not if it’s used a little to spice things up. Used too often though, and it erodes relationships. And, since we tend to use sarcasm with the people we’re closest to, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Cultural differences
Humor is difficult to translate. It takes into account the subtleties of a culture, that if you aren’t aware of, can mystify you. Oh, and cause you to miss the joke.
For example, British and American humor differ.
Dr. Tom Verghese shares a great example. Watch as he explains effective use of humor during a presentation.
Understanding cultural nuances is important in all communication, but especially humor.
Our Brain on Humor
When we hear a joke, the frontal lobe starts to search for patterns. Between the start of a joke and the punchline, our expectations get tossed around like a sack of laundry. Incongruity piques our curious prefrontal cortex located in the frontal lobe. This center for information processing devotes more attention to the story (joke). Then it starts to expect that the speaker meant something else. A data check happens between the prefrontal cortex and the nucleus accumbens. If everything checks out, this triggers an emotional response.
When we laugh, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins all release. Dopamine helps us process our emotions and experience pleasure. Sounds awesome, right? It gets better. Serotonin gives us a mood boost. Endorphins take care of pain and stress, and when we’re laughing we feel euphoric.
What are you waiting for? Get yourself a hit of happy brain chemicals!
Michael Jr. I was just jogging
The Humor-Resilience Connection
Everyone experiences hardships. For some people, humor is their go-to coping mechanism. For those for whom it’s not, consider developing this trait. Here’s why,
…high levels of coping humor are associated with more positive challenge appraisals for various life events. In turn, these positive appraisals can also generate greater enthusiasm and enjoyment for dealing with these events, and are thus strongly associated with more positive affect. — Nicholas A. Kuiper
He’s describing an upward spiral. How we respond to challenging events can influence our emotional and psychological outcomes. Viktor Frankl, Anne Frank, Nelson Mandela, and many others are great examples. They used humor to cope with horrible circumstances.
After the 9/11 attacks in NYC, humor is what helped me deal with the experience. I had no home and no clothes except what I wore the day it happened. Life as a consultant meant living in hotels for extended periods. Everything I had was in my hotel room, but I was in Brooklyn.
There wasn’t much to laugh about the day of the attack. There wasn’t even much to find amusing several days after. But, one night as I walked from a Walgreens back to the Saddle Down B&B, I chatted with my brother. He was “walking me home” via the phone. I joked about the noise of fighter jets passing overhead. I don’t recall now what I said, but it wasn’t the only time jokes saved conversations from tumbling into an abyss. And, kept me and others pushing forward.
The American Psychological Association (APA) created a resource to help people build resilience. 10 Ways to build resilience offers several strategies. Humor isn’t mentioned, but this is more a function of timing than a denouncement of humor as a strategy. Research in this area of positive psychology is on-going.
Interesting Research Tidbit
Researchers at Emory University School of Medicine discovered that stimulating a specific area of the brain causes immediate laughter. A sense of calm and happiness follows the laughter. The electrical stimulation targets the cingulum bundle. When done, the effect is a reduction in anxiety. The cingulum bundle is beneath the cortex. It curves around the midbrain and looks like a girdle.
Why is this important? Stimulating this brain region helps patients feel happy. This means it could be useful in the treatment of disorders like depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.
Want to know more? Check out the article published in Science Daily.
Curious about the actual surgery? Watch this video:
How to create a humor habit
Improv is a fun way to learn more about humor. It can positively affect our cognitive processes in several areas. For example,
divergent thinking
flexibility
language
memory
problem-solving
co-construction
You might have experienced some of this if you’ve been part of a high-functioning team.
But, it also can happen when strangers come together, hit it off, and bounce banter like a ping-pong ball.
Have you tried improv? If so, let me know in the comments. I’ve considered it, but have been a bit chicken. I bet I’m not alone. Why should those of us who’ve never done it, try it?
The Fountain of Youth
Having a good sense of humor increases your life expectancy. Norwegian researchers’ findings from a 15-year study show,
73% lower risk of death from heart disease for women
83% lower risk of death from infection for women
74% reduced risk of death from infection for men
* Culture can play a part in the development of humor. I don’t have data on the original study. If you do, please share it!
Genetics and socialization are two aspects of humor. This tells us that we can influence some aspect of our humor development. Improv anyone?
The Bottom Line
Life is a lot more enjoyable with humor, and it’s consequence — laughter. It gets us through the rough times and makes the happy times more enjoyable.
Want to learn more?
Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute (2010, Spring). Humor, laughter and those ah-ha moments. On the Brain, 16(2), 1–3.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article be sure to check out some of my others.
Be sure to check out the challenges page if you’re looking for a new goal to achieve in the coming weeks or months.
Being funny wasn’t a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day.
Tracy Morgan
For the past few weeks I’ve been intrigued by humor. What makes us laugh? Why do we smile? Is it possible to gauge how funny a person is?
My research stopped for a week while I took a deep dive into another subject — positive aging. But one of the interesting connections between the two subjects is that positive aging includes being able to take yourself less seriously. It includes laughter alone and with others as part of a long life.
Laughter helps us get through the bad storms, protecting us from the worst of them.
Case in point about being funny
Yesterday I spent time selling cookies with my daughter’s girl scout troop. We had a prime location inside the entryway of a grocery store. An older man walked in and struck up a conversation with an employee. The entire time, the older man spoke in rhymes.
After a while, he started talking with our troop, again all in rhymes. He entered the store smiling, saw another person, and did the same thing. On his way out, he stopped to chat with us one more time.
Before leaving he mentioned a few comments about growing old, but all in jest because it’s really the best.
I don’t know if the man has always been funny or had a good sense of humor. He clearly uses humor to brighten other peoples’ day. From his perspective, if he can’t make someone else smile, he hasn’t done his job for the day. But, it obviously lifts him up, too.
As I drove home in the start of a blizzard, recalling how happy and funny he was made my drive a bit less stressful. See, that’s another thing humor does for us — ease tension and stress.
Giphy.com
If you want to know what kind of sense of humor you have, check out Roni Jacobson’s article over on The Cut.
Being funny or having a sense of humor is a skill. You can learn to do it by taking an improv or acting class. Or, you can just start watching funny shows or comedians.
Remember to check the Challenges page. In the next few months, I’ll add one or two more for you to try!
A one-step deep-dive analysis to get you back on track
Do you feel like your life has gotten a bit off track? Here’s how to rediscover your ‘why’ and feel more satisfied every day.
For most of us, our ‘why’ acts as an internal compass. When we know and use it every day to guide our actions, then we feel happier. There’s a spring in our step, a smile on our face, and things seem to click.
But for those of us who aren’t young whippersnappers, it’s not about finding it; It’s about rediscovering it.
After getting caught up in our careers and starting families, sometimes our ‘why’ gets pushed into a corner, beneath a table, covered with a table cloth, and collects dust.
It’s not intentional. It just happens.
One day you wake up and realize that you don’t know why you’re still in a job you hate, or an industry that no longer aligns with your values.
What you do know is that it’s sucking the life out of you. You’re thinking about jumping ship, but your family counts on you. What are you supposed to do?
This is where rediscovering your ‘why’ is important.
How I rediscovered my ‘why’
There’s something about your late forties that causes you to stop and take stock. I’ve been doing that a lot the past few years. After deciding to close our tea business and pursue something new, I discovered that I was lost.
I couldn’t figure out my ‘why.’ It took a few years of solid work to recognize that it had been there all along. What I needed to do was rediscover my ‘why’ not find a new one! Here’s what I realized:
My mission is to positively influence others to achieve or exceed their goals one bite-size step at a time.
Kori D. Miller
This didn’t pop into my head overnight. It happened after doing a deep-dive into positive psychology that culminated in earning a graduate certificate from the University of Missouri-Columbia.
Fifteen hours of focused coursework and many more hours studying helped me rediscover my ‘why.’
Source: giphy.com
How you can rediscover your ‘why’
If you’re struggling with rediscovering your ‘why,’ you’ll find it by examing what you’ve done up to this point.
To get started, ask yourself these questions:
With whom did I spend my time growing up?
What did I learn from them that I still use today?
What did I love doing?
What was I most proud of as a kid?
These questions might seem trivial, but they’re not. If, for example, your answer to “What did I love doing?” is playing video games, then dig a little deeper. What about that activity did you love so much? What did playing games do for you that nothing else did?
If your answer is, “Sports. I loved playing sports.” What made you love it so much?
Maybe when you were growing up you spent time with a few unsavory types. Why? What drew you to them? What pushed you in another direction?
Your goal is to identify themes lurking inside your answers.
For me, I realized that some of my happiest moments came from helping and defending other people. When I taught people something new, or they reached a goal they didn’t believe possible, I felt AWESOME! I also loved using my writing skills to communicate useful information to others.
As I examined the various jobs I’ve done, my 10-year career in training & development, our tea business, and the relationships I’ve had, these themes surfaced again, and again.
So, what could I do in the next phase of my career path that would allow me to do those things now? This is what led me to start Ardent Path and to begin writing about positive psychology.
Your theme-focused mission
After you identify themes, start formulating your ‘why.’ Here are a few guidelines:
Write a few drafts.
Play with the wording.
Keep it to one sentence.
This will become your mission.
Now that you have your ‘why’ written as your personal mission it becomes easier to see where it fits or doesn’t fit into your current career.
For example, I couldn’t see myself doing training and development work in the tea industry. It didn’t even sound interesting to me. Writing about tea wasn’t going to help me fulfill my mission of helping people achieve their goals. After 13 years in the tea industry, I decided to close the business.
But, you don’t have to jump ship like I did.
What could you do in your current job or industry that would allow you to live your ‘why’ more fully? It might not require a job or career change. Maybe you need more or different responsibilities. If that’s the case, then schedule time to talk with your supervisor.
If making changes at your current job won’t work, then where can you express your ‘why’? Maybe you can fulfill your mission through volunteer work. Sometimes volunteering offers much more than the fulfillment of our personal mission. It also can lead to paid opportunities.
After you’ve cleaned the dust from your ‘why,’ and refashioned it into your mission, you’ll be surprised by how many places you can fulfill it.
Patience, contemplation time, and tenacity are all you need to rediscover your ‘why!’
What is tenacity?
Sky One via YouTube
The quality of being tenacious, or of holding fast; persistence; determination
It’s asking questions until you find the answers you need.
It’s getting up every day, setting goals for yourself, and hitting the ground running.
Even if we had more arms, we can’t do it. Image credit: Serena Wong via Pixabay
Do you pride yourself on your ability to multi-task?
The evidence that our brains can’t multi-task is well-documented. Yet, some people believe this ‘skill’ is necessary. The supporting argument is employers want you to manage competing priorities. They want employees who can shift from one project to another without missing a beat.
While that might be true, employers also want efficiency and productivity. They want employees who can adapt, collaborate, persuade, be creative, and manage time. They want few errors.
This urban legend affects us all. Read on to learn more about what multi-tasking is, how it affects you, and how you can kick the habit!
What is multi-tasking?
Whenever we do more than one task at the same time, or in rapid succession, we’re multi-tasking. If we switch from one task to another, we’re attempting to multi-task. Because we’re often doing it fast, we have the illusion that we’re able to do both things without a problem.
We can’t. It’s not a skill. The costs of trying to making it a skill are many.
Current research highlights the negative effects of a multi-tasking habit. They include:
decreased productivity
increased inefficiency
increased distractibility
reduction in grey matter
memory issues
increased stress (due to information overload)
more errors
Based on this information, advocating multi-tasking might not be a good idea. But are we multi-tasking when we switch from one project to another? Are we multi-tasking when we answer a phone and help our kid with homework?
No.
What we’re doing is task-switching.
Benefits of Task-Switching
Imagine you’re driving during a thunderstorm with a friend. Your talking about the movie you watched last night. Clouds have darkened the sky. As the rain pounds against the windshield, it’s becoming difficult to see. Your radio, that was once background noise becomes a distraction, so you turn it off. Lightning strikes something in the distance. Your conversation fades as the sound of thunder startles you. Inside the car, you and your friend are quiet as your eyes scan the area.
Your brain assessed the situation and determined that splitting its focus was a bad idea. All your attention turned to navigating your car through a storm. Your senses are on high alert because you identified a threat in your environment. Threats get our full attention.
Task-switching is our unconscious ability to shift our attention. Our brain is capable of doing this lightning fast especially if the task is easy. The more complex a task, the longer it takes to task-switch. But if we’ve become proficient at the two tasks, the switch happens faster.
Here’s another example. Most of us don’t have to think about walking. Consider for a minute the number of movements that must happen for us to do this task.
After we learn to walk, we don’t have to think about the position of our feet. We don’t worry about shifting our weight or stepping forward. This entire task is automatic.
We can walk, talk, and chew gum because these tasks are automatic.
To show the point further, I started training for a 1/2 marathon. The first thing I noticed was the effort and conscious thought it took to run. Why? I’m training on a gravel road.
Every time my foot strikes the ground, the ground ‘gives’ a little. This is different than running on pavement, a track, or a treadmill. The gravel shifts, there’s mud, and on certain days, snow. Each element forces me to think about how to run through it so that I avoid injury (threat.)
Over time as I become more proficient, the conscious effort required to run on gravel will lessen. (I hope!) The process becomes more automatic and switching between tasks is more seamless.
Task-Switching Gone Wrong
Splitting our attention can lead to serious consequences. Yet, we try to do it all the time.
We can’t drive a car and talk on a phone. We can’t walk or cross a busy street while using our phone to text. These tasks are incompatible because we can’t split our attention between them.
Our brains prefer one task at a time.
If you’d like to see more examples, all you need to do is visit YouTube and search “distracted walking/driving.”
Test Your Task-Switching
Are you curious how you perform when switching tasks?
What’s happening? We’re experiencing residual effects when we go from one task to another. This slows us down. Our brain still stuck in the previous task, hasn’t redirected its attention to the new one. This increases errors and inefficiency.
Switching costs
Let’s say you’re working on a design project, and get pulled away by a phone call. Your brain is still processing design information as you attempt to handle the call. It might take 1 millisecond to switch your attention.
No problem.
You finish your call and return to your project, but your brain is still thinking about the call. This takes a few milliseconds.
Still no problem.
Until you get back into your project, and it all happens again.
When research points to the inefficiency of task-switching, they mean the following:
The interference in accuracy and response time when doing two tasks at the same time, switching between two tasks, or doing tasks in rapid succession
They’re analyzing the time it takes us to focus our attention on the next task. The amount of time might be mere milliseconds, but this adds up with each task-switch. Errors increase, too. You might have noticed that if you took the quiz from early.
6 Examples of Task-switching
Getting dressed and having a conversation
Listening to music while reading
Doing homework and watching TV
Working on a project and having a non-project related conversation
Writing in a second language and thinking in your primary language (or vice versa!)
Researching with several tabs open on your computer while writing an article
How many can you think of? A lot, right?
Cognitive overload and Task-Switching
IOS, also known as Information Overload Syndrome affects millions, if not billions.
Yes, it’s a joke, and that’s not exactly cognitive overload, but it’s close. When we’re inundated with information, it becomes difficult for our brains to process. Working memory can only hold about four chunks of data at a time. Some research indicates it’s plus or minus five. The bottom line is a limited working memory capacity means we can feel overwhelmed.
This is one of the nasty side effects of having access to information 24/7. We act on the information.
For example, you’re working on your project and have your email and Facebook open. Your phone is next to you on vibrate, which it does every time you get a notification. When you receive an email, you hear a ping! Something happens on Facebook. A notification flashes in the corner of your screen.
Each of these demands your attention. You check your email, Facebook, and phone quick, but now that information is swirling in your brain. It’s taking up space that your working memory was using for your project.
When you want to focus on that project, your brain is pondering that last status update you read. Deep thinking can’t happen with a distracted, overwhelmed brain. Concentration needs a distraction-free environment with no noticeable task-switching.
Attentional Control and Task-Switching
Our ability to choose where to focus our attention is attention control. Whatever we choose to ignore also falls under this definition We do this whenever we concentrate for a period of time on one thing. Working memory and attentional control go together like red beans and rice.
Reducing task-switching takes effort. Here are a few ways you can do it while increasing attentional control.
Meditation – Focuses our attention on the breath or other body sensations
Pomodoro technique – Keeps us on task for a specified period of time
Exercise – Increases will power; gives us an energy boost. Focuses our attention for tasks following the exercise
On-boarding a new habit
Because I love talking about habits, you know I have to tie this into ‘multi-tasking’ somehow. That term is forever burned into the brains of many so we’re going to roll with it for this example.
Many of us like to take on much more than we’re able when it comes to changing our habits. The truth is, when we do this we’re setting ourselves up to fail.
Multi-tasking habits looks like this:
Today I’m going to eat healthier, stop drinking beer, not eat any sugar, and go to the gym after work.
You start strong. Your breakfast is a fresh fruit smoothy. Yum! At work, a few unscheduled meetings disrupt your ability to get a project to the next stage. You skip lunch to work on it.
At six o’clock, a few co-workers invite you to the local pub. You figure you’ve earned a beer. You end up staying longer than you planned. As you head to the subway you tell yourself you’ll go tomorrow. What’s one missed workout?
If we start with one small change and repeat it until it becomes automatic, we’ll have better luck. When it becomes automatic it falls into the world of task-switching. As soon as the habit becomes unconscious, adding another small change becomes easier.
Whether we want to call it multi-tasking or task-switching, our brains want to focus on one thing at a time. If we want to increase our efficiency and productivity, we need to follow this rule.
Learn how an endurance challenge like doing 1000 push-ups can increase your productivity
1000 push-ups a day? You got this!
Completing 1000 push-ups in a day isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s an endurance exercise that takes time and patience — much like other endurance activities do.
Today, I’d like you to check out my article on Better Humans. It outlines how I completed the 1000 push-ups challenge, the benefits of endurance challenges, and how to set up your plan, including ‘if, then’ scenarios.
The number one suggestion I can give you is this: Surround yourself with supportive people. Whenever we want to make a change, we need other people to help us. We’re social creatures. On those days when you don’t feel like going nose-to-the-floor, a pep talk from your peeps will motivate you.
The article also discusses how to handle the naysayers. You’ll want them on board or off your boat as soon as possible. If they’re an albatross around your neck, cut them off, and send them swimming. The key word here is ‘boundaries.’
Think of it this way:
Chloro Phil, Dirty Dancing via YouTube
Your endurance challenge doesn’t have to be push-ups. The point is to pick something you’ll commit to doing every day. Visit the challenges page to see three other ideas.
My second suggestion is this: Track your progress. This also keeps you motivated. In the article you’ll see how I did this, and read about the Panda Planner that I use now. Though, I did start tracking my pull-ups on the wall again.
How do endurance activities increase your productivity? You become more consistent in what you’re doing. That consistency trickles into other domains of your life. You get results.
Enjoy the article and be sure to let me know what you decide to do!
5 theories you can use to make your habits ‘sticky’
Image credit: PIRO4D via Pixabay
What does sustainable habit change mean?
Changing our habits is like putting together pieces of a 3D puzzle. We don’t always see how every piece connects to another, but we know that removing one can weaken the puzzle. If we have the right combination of pieces to replace the ones we take out, we can make the puzzle stronger.
New habits are more sustainable when we develop an understanding of:
the habit loop
the Transtheoretical Model of Change (TMC)
Self-determination Theory (SDT)
self-compassion, and
the role willpower plays in change
With the support of our tribe we can make sustainable habit change a reality for everyone.
The Habit Loop
Image credit: The Habit Loop, Ardent Path Coaching & Consulting
In The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg he explains how a group of MIT researchers discovered the loop. They were working with monkey’s and decided to let the monkeys create their own habit.
Sounds strange, right? Usually, researchers teach the monkeys something and then take copious notes. The monkeys learned to reduce costs to get their reward faster through repetition.
It gets better.
Ingrained habits are hard to break, but a part of the prefrontal cortex (infralimbic cortex, or IL) can help. Turning it off, changes behavior. This time they worked with rats.
Now we can enjoy putting their research into action and change our unwanted habits.
What is a habit?
First, let’s get on the same page and define what a habit is. Habits are behaviors we do without thinking. They’re automatic. A few great examples are driving a car, getting dressed, and rockin’ out to ’80s tunes with an air guitar and fake mic. (Just me?)
I can remember the first time I learned to drive a manual transmission. One afternoon, my friends and I decided to take a trip to the mall. We planned the entire route to avoid as many hills (Omaha is hilly) as possible.
Image credit: Jarmoluk via Pixabay
But we couldn’t avoid them all.
Not far from the mall, a stop sign rested atop a giant hill. Okay, truth be told, the hill wasn’t that big, but when you’re 16-years-old driving a stick shift, it was huge.
As sweat beads formed on my forehead, I peered into the review mirror. A string of cars lined up behind mine. My friends, one riding shotgun, and the others in the back snapped their heads around to see what was amiss.
The chanting started.
“You can do this! You can do this!”
My eyes focused on the car in my rearview mirror. It was so close to my back bumper I could have smelled the woman’s perfume had I had my window down. I pressed on the gas and released the clutch. It was a bit like watching a glass fall from a table and hit the floor but in slow motion.
I was on a hill.
When you’re an inexperienced driver, driving a manual transmission car, what happens?
YOU ROLL BACK.
Panic erupted inside my car, followed by, “You can do this! You got this!” My foot hit the break, and by some miracle (or was it a habit?) my other foot found the clutch.
We could see the mall in the distance. It wasn’t that far.
Placing both hands on the wheel, I checked my mirror one more time. The woman had backed away a good twenty or so feet. Behind her, the line of cars had gotten longer. She waved as if to say, “Take your time, it’s okay.”
I got over that hill, and never rolled back again.
The Brain and Habit Formation
Check out this great video about the role the basal ganglia play in our lives.
Video credit: Quantum University via YouTube
When our behaviors become automatic, it’s this part of our brain helping that happen. Not all automatic behaviors are bad. Do you want to have to think about how to put on your shirt every morning?
Breaking bad — habits
I’ve never actually watched the show, but I understand that for some it was a habit. Some of us have a habit of watching too much TV, Netflix, or Hulu. Others check email, instant messaging, and Facebook throughout the day. We know these activities are time vampires, but we do them anyway.
Why can’t we stop?
We aren’t rats who can have our IL interrupted. What are we supposed to do?
Breaking a general bad habit is all about understanding the habit loop.
3 Simple Steps
Here’s an example: You come home from work after a long day. You kick off your shoes, grab a beer, and turn on the TV.
Step 1: What’s the routine? It’s the behavior you’re doing that you want to change.
Step 2: What’s your reward? In our example, it could be the beer, but it also could be watching TV, or a combination of both. You decide to cut beer from your routine. You also consider adding some easy-to-do exercises while, or in place of watching TV.
Step 3: What’s triggering the routine?
Are you bored, exhausted, annoyed, or stressed? Do you need to relax or decompress?
Is it the location?
Is it the time?
Are there other people involved?
What happened before you came home?
It might take a little time to figure out the cue (trigger), so be patient.
Once you do understand what’s happening, it’s time to play with your rewards. This helps you determine what’s at the heart of your craving. Your reward could be a sense of relaxation you have when you drink the beer or watch TV.
Testing new routines
Duhigg suggests testing several routines to figure out which one gives you the reward you need.
In our example, you could:
Drink a glass of water with lemon in your kitchen after you remove your shoes
Drink a glass of juice in your kitchen before watching TV
Drink milk and then read a book
Drink milk and take a 20-minute nap
Walk around your block before you enter your house
Walk the stairs in your house for five-ten minutes right when you arrive home
With each test, you’re trying to see if you feel the same (or better) sense of relaxation. When you find the thing that works, you have your new routine!
Addiction Habits
Some behaviors are more difficult to change than others. It might be easy for you to curb your screen time or change your route to work. Increasing your steps by parking further from an entrance is simple enough.
If a habit has become an addiction, then to change it, a person needs supports. The habit loop isn’t going to help you dig deep into your psyche, but a therapist can.
When you find that person, they might introduce you to this model:
Pre-contemplation: A person in this stage isn’t ready to make a change. They don’t see the negative effects of their behavior. Changing their behavior will have positive effects on their quality of life. They might not understand or appreciate this. The person doesn’t plan to change their behavior soon — defined as the next six months.
Contemplation: At this stage a person sees the pros and cons of changing their behavior. They’re considering doing so soon, but they might still be ambivalent to making a change.
Decision: Preparation or determination are other names for this stage. The person is ready to take action within the next 30 days. They start taking small steps toward their goal. This person believes changing their behavior will lead to healthy outcomes.
Active change: This person has changed their behavior within the past six months. They plan to ‘stay the course.’
Maintenance: A new behavior maintained for six months or more is the marker for this stage. The person works to prevent relapse.
Relapse: This can happen if the person’s temptations override their sense of self-efficacy. When faced with triggers, this person is unable to maintain their behavior change. Self-efficacy is the confidence a person has in their ability to maintain the change.
How long does it take to make a habit sticky?
The short answer is, it depends. Some habits happen fast like certain addictions. Others, good or bad, evolve over time. Various research studies show that bad habits establish faster than good habits. Rewards from ‘bad’ habits tend to be more immediate.
The maintenance stage can last anywhere from six months to five years according to the TMC. We can exit and re-enter this model of behavior change at any stage, but we begin at pre-contemplation.
When you’re attempting to change a behavior, keep this in mind. Not all behaviors become sticky after a few months of dedicated change.
To deal with tempting situations, you can create ‘if, then’ plans. For example,
“If I’m invited to a holiday party, then I’ll eat dinner before going.
“If I’m at a party, then I’ll drink a full glass of water before drinking any alcohol.”
“If I have a head cold and can’t complete my normal workout, then I’ll walk around my house.”
Self-determination Theory and Habit Change
The habit loop and TMC are two pieces of the sustainable habit change puzzle. SDT is a third vital piece.
SDT is concerned with supporting our natural or intrinsic tendencies to behave in effective and healthy ways.
Self-Determination Theory, 2018
SDT includes three important components: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Each affects our intrinsic motivation to do an activity.
Autonomy: We need to have a sense of control in our lives and be “us.”
Competence: We need to experience mastery.
Relatedness: We need other people.
Taking charge of our change process increases our confidence. Our increased confidence helps us feel more competent. Sharing our experiences with others and getting their support feeds into our confidence.
If any of these three elements is missing, then our intrinsic motivation for the task suffers.
Here are a few short articles to read about changing habits.
We all have that little voice in our head that criticizes us when we screw up. Researcher Kristin Neff has a lot to share about how to cope with that rude little bugger.
For us to experience self-compassion, we need to consider the following:
Self-kindness: We recognize and accept that we’re imperfect. We realize that we can’t always get what we want or be who we want to be every moment of our lives. Rather than beat ourselves up for mistakes, we cut ourselves slack.
Common humanity: We recognize that everyone experiences suffering. We’re not special and we’re not the only person who makes mistakes.
Mindfulness: Stop judging your thoughts and emotions. It’s that simple. Really? No, but it’s necessary for us to do this so that we can show self-compassion.
Habit change isn’t about having willpower. Willpower is finite. We can replenish it, but we can’t count on it over the long haul. It’s described as being like a muscle that tires. We usually start our day with a lot of it, but as we make decisions throughout the day, willpower diminishes.
This is easy to see if you have children. In the morning saying ‘no’ when they ask for a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast is a no-brainer. By the time we get home from work we’re tired. They want a treat, or to spend a few hours playing computer games, and we give in to their nagging.
Why? Because we’ve used up a lot of our willpower throughout the work day. Even if we do a little exercise during the day, our willpower is never a full tank like it was after a good night’s sleep.
Willpower is awesome! But, don’t expect it to help you navigate your behavior change. Sustainable habit change takes time. For that, we need systems and processes in place.
The bottom line
Habit change isn’t simple. It takes time. Sometimes longer than we expect.
We need to make the decision to change behavior on our own if we have any hope of making the new habit ‘sticky.’
Rewards can be simple or expensive. It depends on how we want to motive ourselves.
Willpower is unreliable.
We need to love and accept ourselves as we make changes. The road might be bumpy.
I only have two questions for you right now.
What habits are you working to change?
What healthful habits do you want to develop?
If this article is helpful to you, please consider sharing it with others.
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