5 theories you can use to make your habits ‘sticky’
What does sustainable habit change mean?
Changing our habits is like putting together pieces of a 3D puzzle. We don’t always see how every piece connects to another, but we know that removing one can weaken the puzzle. If we have the right combination of pieces to replace the ones we take out, we can make the puzzle stronger.
New habits are more sustainable when we develop an understanding of:
- the habit loop
- the Transtheoretical Model of Change (TMC)
- Self-determination Theory (SDT)
- self-compassion, and
- the role willpower plays in change
With the support of our tribe we can make sustainable habit change a reality for everyone.
The Habit Loop
Image credit: The Habit Loop, Ardent Path Coaching & Consulting
In The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg he explains how a group of MIT researchers discovered the loop. They were working with monkey’s and decided to let the monkeys create their own habit.
Sounds strange, right? Usually, researchers teach the monkeys something and then take copious notes. The monkeys learned to reduce costs to get their reward faster through repetition.
It gets better.
Ingrained habits are hard to break, but a part of the prefrontal cortex (infralimbic cortex, or IL) can help. Turning it off, changes behavior. This time they worked with rats.
Now we can enjoy putting their research into action and change our unwanted habits.
What is a habit?
First, let’s get on the same page and define what a habit is. Habits are behaviors we do without thinking. They’re automatic. A few great examples are driving a car, getting dressed, and rockin’ out to ’80s tunes with an air guitar and fake mic. (Just me?)
I can remember the first time I learned to drive a manual transmission. One afternoon, my friends and I decided to take a trip to the mall. We planned the entire route to avoid as many hills (Omaha is hilly) as possible.
But we couldn’t avoid them all.
Not far from the mall, a stop sign rested atop a giant hill. Okay, truth be told, the hill wasn’t that big, but when you’re 16-years-old driving a stick shift, it was huge.
As sweat beads formed on my forehead, I peered into the review mirror. A string of cars lined up behind mine. My friends, one riding shotgun, and the others in the back snapped their heads around to see what was amiss.
The chanting started.
“You can do this! You can do this!”
My eyes focused on the car in my rearview mirror. It was so close to my back bumper I could have smelled the woman’s perfume had I had my window down. I pressed on the gas and released the clutch. It was a bit like watching a glass fall from a table and hit the floor but in slow motion.
I was on a hill.
When you’re an inexperienced driver, driving a manual transmission car, what happens?
YOU
Panic erupted inside my car, followed by, “You can do this! You got this!”
My foot hit the break, and by some miracle (or was it a habit?) my other foot found the clutch.
We could see the mall in the distance. It wasn’t that far.
Placing both hands on the wheel, I checked my mirror one more time. The woman had backed away a good twenty or so feet. Behind her, the line of cars had gotten longer. She waved as if to say, “Take your time, it’s okay.”
I got over that hill, and never rolled back again.
The Brain and Habit Formation
Check out this great video about the role the basal ganglia play in our lives.
When our behaviors become automatic, it’s this part of our brain helping that happen. Not all automatic behaviors are bad. Do you want to have to think about how to put on your shirt every morning?
Breaking bad — habits
I’ve never actually watched the show, but I understand that for some it was a habit. Some of us have a habit of watching too much TV, Netflix, or Hulu. Others check email, instant messaging, and Facebook throughout the day. We know these activities are time vampires, but we do them anyway.
Why can’t we stop?
We aren’t rats who can have our IL interrupted. What are we supposed to do?
Breaking a general bad habit is all about understanding the habit loop.
3 Simple Steps
Here’s an example:
You come home from work after a long day. You kick off your shoes, grab a beer, and turn on the TV.
Step 1: What’s the routine?
It’s the behavior you’re doing that you want to change.
Step 2: What’s your reward?
In our example, it could be the beer, but it also could be watching TV, or a combination of both. You decide to cut beer from your routine. You also consider adding some easy-to-do exercises while, or in place of watching TV.
Step 3: What’s triggering the routine?
- Are you bored, exhausted, annoyed, or stressed? Do you need to relax or decompress?
- Is it the location?
- Is it the time?
- Are there other people involved?
- What happened before you came home?
It might take a little time to figure out the cue (trigger), so be patient.
Once you do understand what’s happening, it’s time to play with your rewards. This helps you determine what’s at the heart of your craving. Your reward could be a sense of relaxation you have when you drink the beer or watch TV.
Testing new routines
Duhigg suggests testing several routines to figure out which one gives you the reward you need.
In our example, you could:
- Drink a glass of water with lemon in your kitchen after you remove your shoes
- Drink a glass of juice in your kitchen before watching TV
- Drink milk and then read a book
- Drink milk and take a 20-minute nap
- Walk around your block before you enter your house
- Walk the stairs in your house for five-ten minutes right when you arrive home
With each test, you’re trying to see if you feel the same (or better) sense of relaxation. When you find the thing that works, you have your new routine!
Addiction Habits
Some behaviors are more difficult to change than others. It might be easy for you to curb your screen time or change your route to work. Increasing your steps by parking further from an entrance is simple enough.
If a habit has become an addiction, then to change it, a person
When you find that person, they might introduce you to this model:
- Pre-contemplation: A person in this stage isn’t ready to make a change. They don’t see the negative effects of their behavior. Changing their behavior will have positive effects on their quality of life. They might not understand or appreciate this. The person doesn’t plan to change their behavior soon — defined as the next six months.
- Contemplation: At this stage a person sees the pros and cons of changing their behavior. They’re considering doing so soon, but they might still be ambivalent to making a change.
- Decision: Preparation or determination are other names for this stage. The person is ready to take action within the next 30 days. They start taking small steps toward their goal. This person believes changing their behavior will lead to healthy outcomes.
- Active change: This person has changed their behavior within the past six months. They plan to ‘stay the course.’
- Maintenance: A new behavior maintained for six months or more is the marker for this stage. The person works to prevent relapse.
- Relapse: This can happen if the person’s temptations override their sense of self-efficacy. When faced with triggers, this person is unable to maintain their behavior change. Self-efficacy is the confidence a person has in their ability to maintain the change.
How long does it take to make a habit sticky?
The short answer is, it depends. Some habits happen fast like certain addictions. Others, good or bad, evolve over time. Various research studies show that bad habits establish faster than good habits. Rewards from ‘bad’ habits tend to be more immediate.
The maintenance stage can last anywhere from six months to five years according to the TMC. We can exit and re-enter this model of behavior change at any stage, but we begin at pre-contemplation.
When you’re attempting to change a behavior, keep this in mind. Not all behaviors become sticky after a few months of dedicated change.
To deal with tempting situations, you can create ‘if, then’ plans. For example,
- “If I’m invited to a holiday party, then I’ll eat dinner before going.
- “If I’m at a party, then I’ll drink a full glass of water before drinking any alcohol.”
- “If I have a head cold and can’t complete my normal workout, then I’ll walk around my house.”
Self-determination Theory and Habit Change
The habit loop and TMC are two pieces of the sustainable habit change puzzle. SDT is a third vital piece.
SDT is concerned with supporting our natural or intrinsic tendencies to behave in effective and healthy ways.
Self-Determination Theory, 2018
SDT includes three important components: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Each affects our intrinsic motivation to do an activity.
- Autonomy: We need to have a sense of control in our lives and be “us.”
- Competence: We need to experience mastery.
- Relatedness: We need other people.
Taking charge of our change process increases our confidence. Our increased confidence helps us feel more competent. Sharing our experiences with others and getting their support feeds into our confidence.
If any of these three elements is missing, then our intrinsic motivation for the task suffers.
Here are a few short articles to read about changing habits.
Self-compassion and Habit Change
We all have that little voice in our head that criticizes us when we screw up. Researcher Kristin Neff has a lot to share about how to cope with that rude little bugger.
For us to experience self-compassion, we need to consider the following:
Self-kindness: We recognize and accept that we’re imperfect. We realize that we can’t always get what we want or be who we want to be every moment of our lives. Rather than beat ourselves up for mistakes, we cut ourselves slack.
Common humanity: We recognize that everyone experiences suffering. We’re not special and we’re not the only person who makes mistakes.
Mindfulness: Stop judging your thoughts and emotions. It’s that simple. Really? No, but it’s necessary for us to do this so that we can show self-compassion.
For more insights about self-compassion and happiness, check out my article on Medium.
What about willpower?
Habit change isn’t about having willpower. Willpower is finite. We can replenish it, but we can’t count on it over the long haul. It’s described as being like a muscle that tires. We usually start our day with a lot of it, but as we make decisions throughout the day, willpower diminishes.
This is easy to see if you have children. In the morning saying ‘no’ when they ask for a piece of chocolate cake for breakfast is a no-brainer. By the time we get home from work we’re tired. They want a treat, or to spend a few hours playing computer games, and we give in to their nagging.
Why? Because we’ve used up a lot of our willpower throughout the work day. Even if we do a little exercise during the day, our willpower is never a full tank like it was after a good night’s sleep.
Willpower is awesome! But, don’t expect it to help you navigate your behavior change. Sustainable habit change takes time. For that, we need systems and processes in place.
The bottom line
- Habit change isn’t simple. It takes time. Sometimes longer than we expect.
- We need to make the decision to change behavior on our own if we have any hope of making the new habit ‘sticky.’
- Rewards can be simple or expensive. It depends on how we want to motive ourselves.
- Willpower is unreliable.
- We need to love and accept ourselves as we make changes. The road might be bumpy.
I only have two questions for you right now.
- What habits are you working to change?
- What healthful habits do you want to develop?
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