After you’ve made your choice and the dust has settled, it’s time to commit to your path. You might think that you did when you made the choice. Nope. It happens after that.
How many times have you made a choice only to constantly question it after the fact? You weren’t committed.
Making a choice is step one. Committing to that choice — going “all in, balls to the wall,” is step two.
Some of you are afraid to fully commit to your choices. If you are, then I’d like you to re-think the word fear. Here’s your new mantra:
How we begin our morning sets the tone for the rest of our day.
I could leave this entire article at that, but I won’t.
A few years ago something happened that upset my apple cart, so to speak. Maybe you’ve experienced a similar feeling.
During the night, I’d feel this churning in the pit of my stomach. Soon it would move to my chest. Breathing would become difficult and I’d wake, gasping for air.
I’d been sleeping the entire time. Imagining.
Imagining, what? Who knows?
I would awake, gasping to catch a breath.
This feeling – sensation – stemmed from not making the choices that I knew needed to be made. I know this because once a choice was made, the sensation — the inability to breath, to sleep through the night — stopped.
What stops us from making the tough choices we need to make so that we not only survive, but thrive? What are we afraid of?
These are the two questions we need to answer if we hope to find meaning and purpose. People who’ve answered these questions might still fear some things, but they don’t fear making the choices that propel them toward fulfilling their mission.
Finding your one thing is part art, part fearlessness, and a whole lot of simply being willing to make the choices that matter most to our inner voice.
Who do you serve? Think on that a minute before you answer.
Recently, a group of Girl Scouts, their leader, and I experienced two very different perspectives on this.
We all serve someone in some capacity. But are we doing it well? Are we doing our best to help them feel that they matter?
Having a service orientation when interacting with people we meet every day, simply makes our day run more smoothly. A side benefit is that it helps them, too!
Is that a selfish, non-altruistic way to view it? Yeah, maybe. But, when we do good for others, we all feel good (Lyubomirsky, 2018) and isn’t that the point of service? Don’t we want others to feel good? Don’t we want others to feel as though we’ve treated them with respect, compassion, and consideration?
Why? Because that’s how we all want to be treated.
All of us could swap stories about times when this didn’t happen to us. That’s not the point.
Right here, right now, what we need to do is start from a service orientation.
Serving others = Doing good = feeling good.
Reference (s)
Lyubomirsky, S (2018). Papers and publications. Retrieved December 8, 2018 from http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Havelock Ellis
Whatever is holding us down and keeping us from going after what we say we want is probably something we need to let go.
Whatever is occupying our minds to the point of obsession is probably something we need to let go.
Have you ever chastised yourself for a mistake you might have made only to discover later that either you didn’t make one, or it wasn’t nearly as big a deal as you thought? Me, too.
Being present in the moment is about letting go of stuff — baggage — that’s weighing us down and making us trip over ourselves. It’s keeping us from appreciating and enjoying what’s happening right now.
There are a few lessons in life that are critically important to learn. One of them is knowing when to let something go so that we can focus on the present.
Is this actually possible? Can we find meaning everywhere? What does it mean to “find meaning?”
This has been a topic of study for more than 50 years, and we still don’t have a complete grasp of it.
What is meaning?
Is it about the work we do? What if we hate our job?
Is it volunteer work? What if we do that because we feel obligated?
How do we find meaning in the mundane? Wait, how do we define mundane?
How do we find meaning in tragedy?
Viktor Frankl asserted that we’re in a constant search for meaning and that our stress and anxiety is rooted in this need to find it. It can be found in happy, sad, and tragic moments (Frankl, 1984).
In Buddhist traditions we learn that life is suffering because of our attachments, i.e., our selfish desire to hold on to things, people, places, etc. (High Commissioner’s Dialogue on Protection Challenges, 2012).
Maybe meaning is simply finding our “why?” as Simon Sinek postulated in his first Ted Talk (TED, 2009).
Regardless of our beliefs about meaning, one thing is clear. Most, if not all of us, are searching. We want to know why we’re here.
Bu then, maybe the answer is 42.
It isn’t. Mark Twain is credited with saying “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
Sinek is spot on, and finding your “why” has little to do with the work you do, and everything with how you live the life you’ve got.
References
Burton, N. (2012, May 24). Man’s search for meaning. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/mans-search-meaning
Frankl, V. (1984). Man’s search for meaning. New York, NY: Washington Square Books.
High Commissioner’s Dialogue on Protection Challenges, (2012, November 20). The Buddhist core values and perspectives for protection challenges: faith and protection.
Sinek, S. (2009). How great leaders inspire action. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action?language=en
Victor Frankl Institute, 2018. Retrieved December 6, 2018 from https://www.hostgator.com/help/article/hostgator-free-ssl
What does it mean to be an authentic leader even when you’re not in a traditional leadership role?
Authentic people regardless of status “walk the walk, and talk the talk.” They know, understand, and appreciate their strengths, weaknesses, and values. They know how to communicate these three things verbally, in writing, and through their body language. They are consistent.
Authentic people have congruency between what they value and what they do that brings meaning to their lives. These are the people we want to be around. They help us see our own strengths while not calling unnecessary attention to all of our weaknesses. Their touch is light but direct and sincere.
Being an authentic leader applies to many areas beyond the traditional workplace. Think about your teenager who others want to follow because sh/e respects and listens to them, and seems to have an uncanny confidence without all the swagger.
Maybe you know a little girl whom some call bossy without realizing that she’s displaying raw leadership that needs to be honed. She can learn to identify what she values and how to better communicate that to others. You and I simply need to be role models.
Authentic leadership development theory encompasses four areas: self-awareness, relational transparency, balanced processing, and an internalized moral perspective (Dik, Byrne, & Steger, 2017, p. 220). Of these, self-awareness and an internalized moral perspective are the most critical.
These two are the areas we can learn and teach others to practice. When we know our values and allow them to guide our decision-making and relationships we feel at peace with ourselves. When we feel at peace, we feel a greater sense of meaning/purpose. We’re also better able to engage in relational transparency and to look at things objectively because we have no agenda other than to be of service to others.
References
Byrne, Z.S., Dik, B.J.& Steger, M. F. (2017). Purpose and meaning in the workplace. Washington DC: American Psychological Association.
