by KDMiller | Dec 4, 2018 | Meaning and Purpose
What does it mean to be an authentic leader even when you’re not in a traditional leadership role?
Authentic people regardless of status “walk the walk, and talk the talk.” They know, understand, and appreciate their strengths, weaknesses, and values. They know how to communicate these three things verbally, in writing, and through their body language. They are consistent.
Authentic people have congruency between what they value and what they do that brings meaning to their lives. These are the people we want to be around. They help us see our own strengths while not calling unnecessary attention to all of our weaknesses. Their touch is light but direct and sincere.
Being an authentic leader applies to many areas beyond the traditional workplace. Think about your teenager who others want to follow because sh/e respects and listens to them, and seems to have an uncanny confidence without all the swagger.
Maybe you know a little girl whom some call bossy without realizing that she’s displaying raw leadership that needs to be honed. She can learn to identify what she values and how to better communicate that to others. You and I simply need to be role models.
Authentic leadership development theory encompasses four areas: self-awareness, relational transparency, balanced processing, and an internalized moral perspective (Dik, Byrne, & Steger, 2017, p. 220). Of these, self-awareness and an internalized moral perspective are the most critical.
These two are the areas we can learn and teach others to practice. When we know our values and allow them to guide our decision-making and relationships we feel at peace with ourselves. When we feel at peace, we feel a greater sense of meaning/purpose. We’re also better able to engage in relational transparency and to look at things objectively because we have no agenda other than to be of service to others.
References
Byrne, Z.S., Dik, B.J.& Steger, M. F. (2017). Purpose and meaning in the workplace. Washington DC: American Psychological Association.
by KDMiller | Dec 3, 2018 | Self-Management
I know you’ve seen that before. It was all the rage in the mid-to-late 90’s when I entered the training & development field (now called “training & learning.”) But is it true?
From a purely emotional contagion perspective, yeah, it is. And deep down we all know this.
Imagine your day got off on the wrong foot. Maybe you had an argument with a loved one. Maybe your kids were dinking around and made you late. Whatever it was, if you didn’t leave that baggage at the door before entering your work environment, what are the odds that it screwed up the rest of your morning or even your day?
Worse still, how did your attitude negatively affect those around you?
We’re all grown-ups capable of managing our behavior and emotions, but sometimes — let’s be real – we suck at it.
When we allow others to whip our emotions like batter, and mix us all up, who’s ultimately responsible? We’ve got to learn to let some stuff go for the greater good (usually our own sanity) so that we maintain control of our sense of well-being.
This is one lesson worth spreading. If not for own sake’s then for the sake of our children. Emotional contagion – picking up on the feeling state of another person – is real. Mirror neurons have something to do with it. We’re wired to connect with others. We know when something feels off.
And so does everyone else.
If you want to succeed in business, and in life, understanding this is crucial.
by KDMiller | Dec 2, 2018 | Habit formation
Sometimes, getting a new habit to take hold is like trying to walk on ice without falling on your butt.
A few years ago determined to find out why a new habit can get thrown off course, I read everything I could find about behavior change. I came across lots of great information that all basically came to similar conclusions.
- Don’t take on more than one new habit at a time.
- Sandwich the new habit, i.e., anchor it to something you already do (like one pushup after using the bathroom and before washing your hands.)
- Create “baby steps” for your habit. Instead of 10 pushups, just do 1 to get yourself started.
- Congratulate yourself for every successful completion of your new habit.
- Plan for setbacks. (This is HUGE!)
- Avoid self-criticism when you’re not meeting your target.
- Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your change.
- Change your environment to better support your new habit.
- Learn about your new habit. Become fascinated with it. (I believe this increases your sense of competence for what you’re doing. I didn’t read this anywhere, necessarily, but it’s my approach based on the Self-Determination Theory of Motivation.)
Each one of these could be another post, so let’s just focus on “plan for setbacks” for now.
The easiest example is establishing a new exercise routine. What will you do if you get sick and can’t work out? What if you have a bad head cold, or the flu? What if you have a migraine?
Each type of temporary illness needs a plan of attack for getting back into your routine. (Yes, migraines are temporary. Generally, a migraine incident doesn’t last forever. I don’t recommend trying to work out while having one, though. I know I certainly don’t.)
Not having a plan is exactly what threw my exercise habit off course a few years ago. And I’d been doing it for nearly a year!
The fix was simple: If I can’t work out, I can at least walk around my house – either inside or out – for five to ten minutes. If I can’t complete my upper limit for pushups, I can complete my lower limit (depending on how sick I am that limit might revert all the way back to one versus 100.) And when I’m back to 100% better, then I pick up where I left off before getting sick.
It’s not going to be easy to get back into your new habit, but if it’s important to you, then you’ll make it happen.
A plan is arguably the most important part of making a new habit stick.
References
Self-Determination Theory (2018) Retrieved December 2, 2018 from http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
by KDMiller | Dec 1, 2018 | Habit formation, Meaning and Purpose
“Begin each day as if it were on purpose.” – Alex Hitchens, Hitch
Google “morning routines” and you’ll get about 83,500,000 results. That’s crazy! Why are so many of us so interested in this one topic?
Because it matters.
How we start our day sets us up for a positive, neutral, or negative experience. And who really wants to spend their life being neutral or negative?
In Michael Steger’s Ted Talk, “What makes life meaningful,” he said, “Life is short. It’s easy to waste and hard to use.” If we aren’t active participants in our lives, why should anyone else be?
If you haven’t committed to establishing your morning routine, then you’re basically letting everyone else do it for you. That’s living in the neutral zone.
If your day starts with a negative, what are the odds that it’ll be that way all or most of the day? Steger also said, “they’re also all those other people right who litter all of our collective landscapes with these tragically misspent moments, these destructive ticking time bombs of a life not considered.”
Are you that “ticking time bomb?”
Let’s pinky swear right now that none of us will ever be that.
But where should we begin?
A logical place to start making changes is with how we begin our day. There are a few important ideas to keep in mind as you tackle this new habit.
- You need to get up at a specific, consistent time every day. (Google “Why do I need to get up at the same time every day?” You’ll get about 245,000,000 results if you want to know why or Search Google Scholar for “the importance of consistent sleep habits.”)
- Get physical! Get your heart pumping a little bit.
- Spend some time with your thoughts. (Mindfulness activities like meditation — I like Sun Salutations in the morning, breathing, and body scanning all are good mental check-ins.)
- Plan your day. I love my Panda Planner! Be sure to identify your passion project and big rocks for the day. Anything related to those need to happen before you go to bed.
- Delegate whatever can be delegated. You don’t need to do everything all of the time.
- If you’re the primary caregiver, then you’ll probably need to get up a little earlier so you can have the “me time” necessary to calibrate your day. (I call my morning routine calibration and my evening routine re-calibration.)
- Accept that there will be times when things don’t go according to plan. That’s okay! Pick up where you left off, and just “keep swimming!” (By now you should know I make a lot of move references. Dory is awesome.)
Living our lives on purpose every, single, day means engaging with ourselves. After we do that, then we’re better able to be of service to others. And honestly, that’s what helps our lives have meaning.
I started with a movie quote, so I should end with one.
“I don’t want to be a product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me.” – Frank Costello, The Departed
Having never seen the movie, I feel I need to add, “In a positive, pro-social, pro-active, loving way that allows us to be of service to others.”
References
Steger, M. (2018). What makes life meaningful? Retrieved December 1, 2018 from http://www.michaelfsteger.com/
Steger, M. Current and past research. Retrieved December 1, 2018 from https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=T7nZ93UAAAAJ&hl=en
by KDMiller | Nov 30, 2018 | Habit formation
Changing or replacing a bad habit is hard, time-consuming work that might not pan out. Right? You’ve tried to do it before so you already know that by the third or fourth week, or maybe two months from now, you’ll be back to square one.
But will you, really? The process of changing a habit certainly creates new neural pathways in our brains. Each time we successfully move toward the new habit and away from the old one, those paths get stronger.
The problem is that it doesn’t happen as fast as we’d like. We become impatient because we want the change to happen now. We forget that in all likelihood the bad habit (though easier to pick up perhaps) still took time to take root.
A habit is something we basically do without effort or much thought. It’s like driving your car, riding a bike, getting dressed or any other behavior that we repeatedly do. It takes time for the habit to become second nature, and for some habits, it takes upwards of five years (Pro-Change, 2018).
Patient, steady persistence will get you where you want to go with your new habit. Will it be easy? Nope. But nothing worth having or changing is typically easy to have or do.
You will stumble. You will get tired. And then you’ll pick yourself back up, remember why you want to change that bad habit, and in the immortal words of Walt Disney, “keep moving forward.”
References:
Pro-Change (2018). The Transtheoretical Model. Retrieved from https://www.prochange.com/transtheoretical-model-of-behavior-change November 30, 2018.
