by KDMiller | Dec 14, 2018 | Happiness and Well-being, Meaning and Purpose
How we begin our morning sets the tone for the rest of our day.
I could leave this entire article at that, but I won’t.
A few years ago something happened that upset my apple cart, so to speak. Maybe you’ve experienced a similar feeling.
During the night, I’d feel this churning in the pit of my stomach. Soon it would move to my chest. Breathing would become difficult and I’d wake, gasping for air.
I’d been sleeping the entire time. Imagining.
Imagining, what? Who knows?
I would awake, gasping to catch a breath.
This feeling – sensation – stemmed from not making the choices that I knew needed to be made. I know this because once a choice was made, the sensation — the inability to breath, to sleep through the night — stopped.
What stops us from making the tough choices we need to make so that we not only survive, but thrive? What are we afraid of?
These are the two questions we need to answer if we hope to find meaning and purpose. People who’ve answered these questions might still fear some things, but they don’t fear making the choices that propel them toward fulfilling their mission.
Finding your one thing is part art, part fearlessness, and a whole lot of simply being willing to make the choices that matter most to our inner voice.
You know that voice. We all do.
by KDMiller | Dec 13, 2018 | Self-Management
Memories are just stories we tell ourselves about our past, and that’s often why they don’t match when we’ve shared the same experiences with someone.
~ John Slattery
Have you ever experienced a time when you and a close friend (or spouse) are debating about a particular event you both attended, but that you have very different memories of? Me, too.
This happens in part because we’re different people, but also because of how our memories get encoded (stored.) Think of your memory like a filing system. Sometimes stuff gets lost or mixed up because so many people are handling the file.
But, in this case, it’s primarily us handling the file at different ages and stages of our lives.
Each time we dig the file out, we affect the memory so when it gets put back it’s different. Consequently, each time we retrieve it, the memory has changed.
When we construct stories about ourselves, they’re often based on memories that we’ve inadvertently manipulated simply by recalling them time and again.
This is important to remember when we construct the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves OR when we buy into the stories others tell us about ourselves.
Memories are fragile.
by KDMiller | Dec 12, 2018 | Meaning and Purpose
Who do you serve? Think on that a minute before you answer.
Recently, a group of Girl Scouts, their leader, and I experienced two very different perspectives on this.
We all serve someone in some capacity. But are we doing it well? Are we doing our best to help them feel that they matter?
Having a service orientation when interacting with people we meet every day, simply makes our day run more smoothly. A side benefit is that it helps them, too!
Is that a selfish, non-altruistic way to view it? Yeah, maybe. But, when we do good for others, we all feel good (Lyubomirsky, 2018) and isn’t that the point of service? Don’t we want others to feel good? Don’t we want others to feel as though we’ve treated them with respect, compassion, and consideration?
Why? Because that’s how we all want to be treated.
All of us could swap stories about times when this didn’t happen to us. That’s not the point.
Right here, right now, what we need to do is start from a service orientation.
Serving others = Doing good = feeling good.
Reference (s)
Lyubomirsky, S (2018). Papers and publications. Retrieved December 8, 2018 from http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/
by KDMiller | Dec 11, 2018 | Habit formation
How do you know when to walk away from a goal you’ve set? What are the red flags that something is about to implode?
The number one sign is that you’re no longer “all in.” Most of us know what that feels like. There’s a nagging voice in your head telling you that whatever you’re supposed to be doing can wait a little longer, or until the next day, or next week.
When that happens, you’ll make excuses that sound so convincing that you begin to allow your goal to slip away.
It can start innocently. Maybe a friend suggests going to a movie when you’re supposed to be going to the gym. You figure, “It’s just this one time.” Then something else comes up around your scheduled gym time and it’s that much easier to say yes.
New habits are a promise you’re making to yourself. They’re a spit on your palm handshake followed by a pinky swear.
You never break a pinky swear.
Every goal you set can be broken down into smaller parts. Each small part is a pinky swear you need to keep.
Things that aren’t tracked, don’t get done.
Grab a calendar put it where you’ll always see it, and make a check mark for every single pinky swear you keep.
by KDMiller | Dec 10, 2018 | Personal Development
Everything we need to know about collaboration we can learn from preschoolers.
If you’ve ever spent more than fifteen minutes around preschoolers, you know that things don’t always go smoothly. But, you also know that they “say it like it is” — from their perspective, of course.
They’re not afraid to “call someone out” for taking their (or someone else’s) crayon. They’re quick to say, “Look at me!” And, they love tattling, which doesn’t seem to disappear for several years.
They’re also skilled in the art of building fast friendships that help them create. And they love creating. It can be anything from a giant train track or lego worlds to skyscrapers made from blocks or long domino structures.
In the beginning, there’s usually a child building independently, but then, another comes along.
“Hey, can I play with you?”
“Yes!” (I swear this happens 9 out of 10 times.)
Off they go to create something fantastic.
Interestingly, there’s little arguing. They settle into their roles: engineer, architect, or storyteller with a single objective — make IT amazing.
And amazing IT is.
How can we work with others to make something “amazing?”
