Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Henry Ford
A new year is just around the corner. What resolutions are you making? Out of curiosity, what’s your success rate at keeping them? Mine was always horrible.
Personally, I’m not a big fan of resolutions and haven’t made any for years. I prefer spending the months of November and December assessing the current year, and then plotting a course for the next one.
Here’s a strategy you can borrow (’cause years ago I’m fairly certain that I borrowed it from someone else.)
Assess the current year. What were your big wins? What didn’t you actually make time to do? Hint: Drop those. You had all year. Unless something extraordinary happened or will happen in January, whatever that was isn’t a priority in your heart.
Choose no more than 3 big goals. Honestly, this is a random number, but having too many goals causes you to spread yourself thin. And, in the habit realm, too many changes make one change virtually impossible.
Write your big goals down, each on its own paper. Title it something fun like, “My BIG Audacious Goal.”
Then, and this is critical — ask yourself these questions:
What baby steps can I take to reach my goal by the end of the year?
Whose help will I need?
What’s my “if, then” plan for those days when things aren’t going the way I’ve hoped?
How will I track my goal?
Who will help hold me accountable to reach my goal?
How will I handle setbacks?
How will I celebrate my small successes?
The key to achieving big goals is breaking them into bite-size pieces that you can gnaw on until they go down smooth.
References:
Mindtools (n.d.) Eight common goal-setting mistakes. Retrieved December 30, 2018, from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/goal-setting-mistakes.htm
Tedx Talks (2012). Forget big change, start with a tiny habit. BJ Fogg at Tedx Fremont. Retrieved December 30, 2018, from https://youtu.be/AdKUJxjn-R8
“We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”
~ Marie Curie
What’s your dream career? What is the one thing you’d do even if no one paid you?
For me, it was training and development work. I spent 10 years teaching people how to find, keep, and move up in their job. In addition to this, I taught “soft skills” and how to provide excellent customer service. When I entered the field I had no idea how much I would love it.
Then I left. There were good reasons for me to leave at the time. I’m sharing this with you because sometimes, we have to take a few steps away or back so that we can see the big picture.
In 2003, I started a tea company from the ground up, became an expert, and enjoyed teaching people about tea and tisanes. But (I bet you saw this coming!) after several years I realized something was missing. It wasn’t until I made the decision to return to school for a master’s degree that I finally figured it out.
I’d walked away from my mission and I felt it in my soul.
What are you walking away from? What’s the gift that you have to share with everyone at whatever cost?
You won’t be content until you return to what your heart is telling you to do.
Will it be easy? Maybe. Will it be challenging? Probably. Will you feel deeply satisfied every time your head hits the pillow because you’re “walking your walk, and talking your talk?”
“Doing just a little bit during the time we have available puts you that much further ahead than if you took no action at all.”
~ Pulsifer, Take Action; Don’t Procrastinate
Oftentimes we read or watch something that includes the message that we only have 24 hours in a day to accomplish what we want, so we need to get moving, we need to go after “it.”
That number is wrong.
We have the moment we’re in. That’s it. We choose how to spend each of our moments, and if we’re fortunate they add up to a full day.
From this perspective, “it” can’t wait until tomorrow or the next day. If you want to achieve a goal, you have to focus on it in as many moments as possible.
Most of us juggle a variety of commitments. That’s life. But if we really want to achieve the extraordinary for ourselves, we need to remember to include baby steps toward that end throughout the seconds, minutes, and hours we have.
The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.
Japanese Proverb
Finish this sentence:
Resilience is ______________________________.
In Rick Hanson’s book, Resilience: Find your inner strength, he outlines 12 primary inner strengths that can be developed. As you grow in each strength your resilience increases.
He categorizes how we fulfill our needs into four areas and identifies three strengths we can nurture in each in order to meet our basic needs for safety, satisfaction, and connection. They are:
Recognizing (compassion, mindfulness, learning)
Resourcing (grit, gratitude, confidence)
Regulating (calm, motivation, intimacy)
Relating (courage, aspiration, generosity)
Being resilient doesn’t involve superhuman powers, a particular skill set, or a high IQ. It does require something Jaime Escalante so eloquently expressed in the movie, Stand and Deliver (1988).
Do you have the desire?
And, it certainly helps if you cultivate a healthy sense of humor.
References:
Hanson, R. (2018). Resilience: Find your inner strength. London: Rider
Movieclips, (2017, June 27). Stand and Deliver: All we need is ganas scene. Retrieved December 27, 2018, from https://youtu.be/A2yqIm58ULo
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
~ Maya Angelou
We don’t know who we are until our metal has been tested. Challenges we experience every day are our test.
When we get knocked down, we all know by now that whether we get back up is what matters. Sometimes, getting back up time and again is exhausting. But this is one way we build our resilience.
“Never limit yourself because of others’ limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.”
~ Mae C. Jemison
This is sage advice from the first African American woman to travel into space. When she was selected for the NASA astronaut training program in 1987 she was one of 15 out of about 2000 (Biography.com, n.d.) and the first African American woman.
One thing we all can learn from her experience is that giving up on your dream only hurts one person — you. Ultimately, everyone else around you will adjust, or in some cases, not even care. But when we give up on a dream a piece of us dies inside.
Jemison never gave up. She came from humble beginnings, worked her butt off, and didn’t take her eyes off her prize.
What’s your prize? Where are you trying to go? How do you plan to get there?
You need a plan before you can persist and then prosper.
No one can hold you back from achieving your dreams except you. There are many examples of everyday people accomplishing greatness for themselves (not for fame or fortune, necessarily.) If they can, why can’t you?
If what you want to do costs money that you don’t have, make a plan for increasing your income. Make a budget and stick to it. Give up a few “wants.”
If you’re surrounded by unsupportive people, change your environment. Is this easy? Nope. Do it anyway.
People don’t succeed in a vacuum. We all need support from someone else, even if that support isn’t direct. Think about the garbage collector who ensures all your garbage is picked up so that you don’t have to haul it away. That’s a time saving support, right? (This is a simple example just to show how interconnected we all actually are.)
Jemison had supportive people in her corner. Some she saw, some she probably never met — but all of them were there.
Here’s a plan to jump-start your process:
Step 1. Write down your dream in detail. Draw pictures if you want.
Step 2. Believe in your dream. Act as though you’re already there.
Step 3. Surround yourself with a supportive crew.
Step 4. Review your dream daily. Make one stride toward it every day.
Step 5. Read everything related to your dream.
Step 6. Find people already doing what you want to do. Study them.
It’s a simple, but effective plan that won’t cost you anything but time and attention.
Kid, you’ll move mountains! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way!
~ Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
Reference:
Biography (n.d.). Mae C. Jemison. Biography.com. Retrieved December 25, 2018, from https://www.biography.com/people/mae-c-jemison-9542378
Seuss, Dr. (1990). Oh the places you’ll go. New York, NY: Random House
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
~ Buddha
When you spend time tearing yourself down for every small infraction it adds up in big ways. Every time you do it, you’re reinforcing a neural network in your brain that says, “You suck.” And because we all experience a negativity bias or have the propensity to lean toward the bad when experiencing various events in our lives, it’s pretty easy to create a negative feedback loop (one bad thing feeds into another, and so on.)
How do you stop this? Is it as simple as, “think happy thoughts?” Not exactly.
Here are a few steps you can take:
Practice mindfulness (Meditation can happen in several ways, so find what works for you. Here’s a great option: Online MBSR, mindfulness-based stress reduction.)
Exercise (My “go-to” reference for all things in this area comes from Dr. John Ratey, though I also love reading John Medina’s work.)
That’s it, actually. Exercise and mindfulness. If I had to add a third to that list it would be: eat a healthful diet. You don’t have to cut out everything you love; you just need to practice a little self-control. Any guesses about what can help with that?
Mindfulness and exercise.
References:
Medina, J. (n.d.). Brain rules. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.brainrules.net/about-the-author
Nugent, P. (2013, April 7). Bad is stronger than good. Psychology Dictionary, Professional Reference. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://psychologydictionary.org/bad-is-stronger-than-good/
Palouse Mindfulness (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://palousemindfulness.com/
Ratey, J. (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.johnratey.com/
“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”
~ Audrey Hepburn
What do you feel is impossible for you to do in your life right now? Have you been considering going back to school? Getting a different job? Changing careers? Changing a bad habit?
Whatever it is, it’s completely possible. It’s not only possible, it can be made doable.
We have a tendency to go balls to the wall heading into every new year. Our intentions are good. We’re motivated.
Then we’re not. And the main reason we fail is that we didn’t create a plan to succeed. That plan needs to include baby steps, “what if” scenarios, cheerleaders, and a journal. (My go-to journal right now is the Panda Planner.)
According to the self-determination theory of motivation, we need to feel competency for the task, have autonomy to do the task, and have supportive relationships. These three things must be in place for us to develop the intrinsic motivation necessary to succeed.
Maybe motivation isn’t your challenge. Maybe it’s fear of change or failure. If that’s the case, then read yesterday’s post for encouragement.
Let’s make this moment the one where we decide to create a game plan to make the seemingly impossible, possible.
Reference:
Self-determination Theory (n.d.). Retrieved December 23, 2018, from https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
~ Confucius
If fear is what’s holding us back from reaching our full potential, how do we overcome that fear?
By redefining it.
I’ve written about this before and it’s worth sharing, again. But, afterredefining our fear, what should we do next? It’s not as though that magically changes everything that very moment.
This is where tackling things in baby steps comes into play.
Let’s say that your fear is starting something new — maybe it’s learning a new language. How can you break it down so that learning is less overwhelming and more fun? What supports can you put into place to help you reach your goal? What encouraging words will you tell yourself as you begin your adventure (See what I did there?)
Every step of the way we need to reframe, redefine, and push forward if we want to achieve our full potential in a particular area.
Will it be scarier some days than others? Absolutely.
Will we need to make an effort every day? Yep.
Can we be fabulous doing it? Without a doubt.
All that’s required is unlocking the door, pushing it open, and seeing what’s on the other side.
Have you ever been around someone so angry or unhappy that you began feeling the same way?
We all have.
Emotions are as contagious as the common cold. We have our mirror neurons to thank for this, but we definitely want those neurons activating! (They’re what help us to be empathetic and compassionate beings. Without them, can you imagine what the world might be like?)
Just not necessarily all the time.
For example, when we’re in a long line at the checkout, and the people around us become visibly annoyed, it would be best for us to put our shields up! In these moments why would we want to be vested in someone else’s annoyance? Are they being mistreated by having to wait in line? Do we want to feel as awful as they apparently do?
We all have a negativity bias so it’s pretty easy to get wrapped up in another person’s ticked off mood. The challenge for us is to recognize what’s happening before it takes over our brains so that we don’t act in a way that just might embarrass us later.
Reference (s)
Inside the Brain (n.d.) Tag: Mirror neurons. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://inside-the-brain.com/tag/mirror-neurons/
Marano, H. E. (2016, June 9). Our Brain’s Negativity Bias. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias
Positive Psychology Program (2016, December 3). 3 simple steps to overcome your negativity bias. Positive Psychology Program. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/3-steps-negativity-bias/
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