by KMiller | Jan 8, 2019 | Happiness and Well-being, Personal Development
If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.
Bruce Lee
When do you feel strongest mentally? Is it while you’re watching TV?
Probably not.
Most of us feel strongest when we’re being challenged. When our skills are being tested and the goal is just outside our reach, but we believe it’s attainable, we feel strong.
Every step we take moves us closer to conquering the test. Our confidence grows. Our understanding of whatever we’re trying to tackle increases.
We stumble, but we see a breakthrough on the horizon, and it’s not too far. We keep going. This is flow.
It’s timeless.
Will there be plateaus as Bruce Lee said? Yep.
But if you want to experience a greater sense of well-being and happiness, you’ll find ways to reach, and stay in, flow.
by KMiller | Jan 7, 2019 | Happiness and Well-being
Brian chemicals are
Happiness is fleeting. Many researchers believe we have a set-point for happiness that, of course, varies person-to-person.
If that’s true — if all we can hope for are momentary moments of happiness, then why bother being concerned with it?
Because happiness feels good. It’s also primarily a brain function.
We experience surges of happy chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins when we do particular activities.
For example, how do you feel after a good workout? Those are endorphins kicking in.
When you cuddle with someone you love, how do you feel? Thank oxytocin for that. It’s sometimes even called the cuddle hormone.
When you accomplish a goal you get a rush of dopamine as a reward. You might even get a hit of serotonin, depending on the goal you accomplished. If it involved exercises like running, biking, or yoga, then BONUS! Oh, and massage, that increases serotonin, too!
The point is, who cares if we have a set-point for happiness when you know there are activities you can do to increase those happy brain chemical experiences?
Get your happy dance on!
by KMiller | Jan 6, 2019 | Happiness and Well-being
If you think dealing with issues like worthiness and authenticity and vulnerability are not worthwhile because there are more pressing issues, like the bottom line or attendance or standardized test scores, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. It underpins everything.
Brene Brown
What does it mean to be authentic?
Most of us would agree that it means being true to ourselves. True to our values and beliefs.
Which self are we talking about?
Is it the self that we present to our family, friends, colleagues, clients, boss, the people in our church, temple, or other place of worship?
Who is this “self” who is authentic?
When we experience a disconnect between those worlds, our happiness and sense of well-being decreases. We feel off balance.
Until we bring the divide closer, or better still, eliminate it, we’ll continue feeling like a boat pushed by waves without an anchor.
Values are anchors embedded deep in our consciousness. They guide our thoughts and actions.
If we allow them to.
Being authentic means walking your walk. Talking your talk. And doing all of it with conviction.
Can it be scary sometimes?
You bet.
Do we need to do it?
Without a doubt.
by KMiller | Jan 5, 2019 | Self-Management
“My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
Life isn’t about what others have done to us, and not even what they’ve done for us.
Life is about how we respond to or handle what we perceive others have done to us or for us.
Radical ownership is taking full responsibility for our thoughts, words, and resulting action or inaction.
It’s understanding our values and allowing those values to guide all that we think, say, do, or don’t do.
Is it always easy? Nope.
Will there be times when you want to blame someone for where you are or what’s happening in your life? Yep.
Living your values 100% of the time is a growth process. Sure there are some people who it appears have done this since birth, but that’s rare.
Most of us have to develop over time, learn as we go, fall down, and then pull ourselves back up. If we’re fortunate, though, we’ve surrounded ourselves with people moving in the same direction.
If we’re very fortunate, we have guides who are already living their values.
This is how you can jump-start the process:
- Step 1: Be honest with yourself
- Step 2: Use an assessment to help you uncover your values if you’re struggling to articulate them
- Step 3: Focus on one value each week. Lead and follow with it.
- Step 4: Journal about your values.
How will you take radical ownership of your day today?
by KMiller | Jan 4, 2019 | Happiness and Well-being
“Nothing is so contagious as an example. We never do great good or great evil without bringing about more of the same on the part of others.”
~ La Rochefoucauld
You’ve had a crappy day. You come home and yell at your spouse for something you know is irrational. She or he snaps at your kids. The kids get annoyed with the dog.
Too cliche?
Maybe, but it’s true.
We need to own our feelings. Emotions are a necessary part of life. They aren’t right or wrong, they just are.
What we can’t do is allow our negative emotions to infect others like cancer. It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to express that anger in a way that hurts someone else. It’s awesome to feel joy. Feel free to express that to others — unless joy isn’t where they are in that moment.
Emotions are tricky. Navigating when and where to express them so that others benefit rather than get hurt by them is even trickier.
by KMiller | Jan 3, 2019 | Personal Development
“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”
~ Paul Valery
I’ve spent a few days writing about goals (not resolutions that usually get broken by February.) But our goals really start out as dreams, right?
If you’re someone who hasn’t spent much time goal-setting, or you’re someone who tries tackling too many goals and only accomplishing a few or none, then I’d like you to take a few steps back.
It’s time to dream and the start of a new year is the perfect time for it!v
Grab a notebook or blank piece of paper. We’re going to borrow Warren Buffet’s 5/25 idea, but not in its entirety. Write down 25 goals. Don’t categorize them, just write. Review your list and circle 5 that you want to focus on this year.
Now choose 1.
For that one goal, get another piece of paper, but one without lines. Draw the outcome of reaching that particular goal.
For example, if you’re a writer who wants to publish a book, you might draw yourself being interviewed by someone you admire.
Remember the details. What’s the name of your book? Is the interviewer holding it for all to see? Where are you being interviewed? When did the interview happen? Use color to make your dream come alive on the paper.
This final step is really a matter of preference. Some people like keeping their drawing somewhere they can always see it. Others tuck it away.
What’s important is doing the exercise because now the outcome is planted in your brain. It’s a seed waiting to be watered. How do you water it?
Every time you do something related to that dream, your seed becomes stronger.
Let’s look at the writer, again. Maybe you’ll take a writing class. Maybe you’ll join a critique group or attend a conference where you learn how to pitch your idea. Those actions are fertilizer and water for your seed.
All of the actions you choose to take can only be done when you wake up.
by KMiller | Jan 2, 2019 | Happiness and Well-being
“There’s a myth that time is money. In fact, time is more precious than money. It’s a nonrenewable resource. Once you’ve spent it, and if you’ve spent it badly, it’s gone forever.”
~ Neil A. Fiore
Schedule the critically important events. What does this mean?
Simple. Schedule those things that relate to your audacious goals. If your family isn’t included, then make sure you add time for them. If you don’t have a family, but you do have friends then fill in that gap and schedule time for them. If you have both, juggle.
Why? Because we need to pursue those activities that fill our soul, and we also need positive, healthy relationships while we do it.
No one lives or succeeds in a vacuum. That would be lonely.
by KMiller | Jan 1, 2019 | Personal Development
Never mind goal-setting for now. Let’s focus on something a little easier.
What are three things you’re looking forward to doing in 2019? These can be anything.
Are you going to attend a conference to further your learning? Will you start a business? Will you read one book every month? Spend more time with a specific person? Create a morning ritual?
A new year is all about possibilities, dreams, and visions. By February, it’s about whether or not you’ve begun to execute any of the tasks necessary to propel you toward your three things.
So, look forward. Move ahead. It’s not too late to —
Crack that whip
Give the past the slip
Step on a crack
Break your momma’s back
When a problem comes along
You must whip it
Before the cream sits out too long
You must whip it
When something’s going wrong
You must whip it
Now whip it
Into shape
Shape it up
Get straight
Go forward
Move ahead
Try to detect it
It’s not too late
To whip it
Whip it good
Devo
That’s your ear worm for New Year’s Day!
by KMiller | Dec 31, 2018 | Happiness and Well-being
Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world.
Adam Grant
It’s time to welcome a new year! A new year is an exciting time filled with fireworks, parties, conversation, and hopefully, laughter.
But, why?
Why do we get so enthralled by the ushering in of the new? How different will your life be tomorrow?
Unless you’ve made some decisions to make it different today.
Have fun with family and friends. Say goodbye to the plans that didn’t work, the relationships that caused heartache, and the hand you played in all of it.
Tomorrow is a new beginning.
What are you going to do to make it great?
by KMiller | Dec 30, 2018 | Personal Development
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Henry Ford
A new year is just around the corner. What resolutions are you making? Out of curiosity, what’s your success rate at keeping them? Mine was always horrible.
Personally, I’m not a big fan of resolutions and haven’t made any for years. I prefer spending the months of November and December assessing the current year, and then plotting a course for the next one.
Here’s a strategy you can borrow (’cause years ago I’m fairly certain that I borrowed it from someone else.)
- Assess the current year. What were your big wins? What didn’t you actually make time to do? Hint: Drop those. You had all year. Unless something extraordinary happened or will happen in January, whatever that was isn’t a priority in your heart.
- Choose no more than 3 big goals. Honestly, this is a random number, but having too many goals causes you to spread yourself thin. And, in the habit realm, too many changes make one change virtually impossible.
- Write your big goals down, each on its own paper. Title it something fun like, “My BIG Audacious Goal.”
- Then, and this is critical — ask yourself these questions:
- What baby steps can I take to reach my goal by the end of the year?
- Whose help will I need?
- What’s my “if, then” plan for those days when things aren’t going the way I’ve hoped?
- How will I track my goal?
- Who will help hold me accountable to reach my goal?
- How will I handle setbacks?
- How will I celebrate my small successes?
The key to achieving big goals is breaking them into bite-size pieces that you can gnaw on until they go down smooth.
References:
Mindtools (n.d.) Eight common goal-setting mistakes. Retrieved December 30, 2018, from https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/goal-setting-mistakes.htm
Tedx Talks (2012). Forget big change, start with a tiny habit. BJ Fogg at Tedx Fremont. Retrieved December 30, 2018, from https://youtu.be/AdKUJxjn-R8
