When you think of a “touchstone,” it’s usually a person with whom you can share your deepest desires, hopes, fears, frustrations, and dreams. This is your “go-to” cheerleader/accountability partner.
But what if you don’t have someone in that role?
You need to keep going after your goals and be open to possibilities. While you’re developing yourself, you will begin to gain exposure to more people who can step into this position. But, you need to be vigilant and patient.
Touchstones are your inner circle. They look after you, mentally and sometimes physically. They challenge and uplift you. In colloquial terms, “They’ve got your back.”
So what about worry dolls?
When I was a little girl, I received a small lidded basket filled with tiny worry dolls. I loved them! I knew they were from Guatemala, but that was about all. At the time, I didn’t understand their purpose.
Image credit: Kori D. Miller
Recently, I received a new set (my first has been MIA for many years.) These are like the above picture.
Worry dolls let you leave your worries with them. The legend is that you whisper your worries to them, place them beneath your pillow, and you’ll sleep more soundly.
This is akin to writing your worries in a journal before bed or using worry beads. The bottom line is that you’re freeing your mind so that you are able to sleep. For those who don’t want to try mediation (guided or traditional), this might be a viable option.
It’s important to allow your mind to rest because that’s the time memories are consolidated and learning occurs. Does learning happen other times? Of course, but this is background processing. Magic happens here.
Have you ever gone to bed thinking about a problem, drifted off to sleep and awakened with a solution based on some whacky dream?
That was background processing in action.
The take-way is this: Find a way to free your mind so that you’re able to rest. Do this by,
Meditating
Visualization
Practicing Tai Chi or Yoga before bed
Journaling
Drawing/doodling
Praying
Using worry dolls
Talking with your “touchstone”
None of us live a worry-free life. The important thing is that we learn how to cope with those moments when worry wants to take over and invade our sleep.
Some of you (I hope several, but if not, you’re in for a treat!) might remember the Carol Burnett Show.
This was one of my mother’s favorite sketch comedy shows along with Laugh-In.
As a young kid, I didn’t always appreciate (understand) the humor, but looking back at the above video had me in stitches!
Why?
Because it’s timeless.
Anyone who’s ever traveled via airplane knows what a hassle it is. Anytime a bit of humor can be injected into the situation is appreciated by all, including the flight crew!
The next time you find yourself stranded at an airport, think about Carol Burnett.
Humor can help us navigate just about any stressful event.
Whenever you’re dealing with challenges, cruise over to YouTube and search for: Humor, comedians, or sketch comedy.
You’ll be glad you did!
Your brain will rest easier at night with a little dose of laughter.
Credit: Swancourt via YouTube: Abbott and Costello
When you’re struggling with a problem, one of the best things you can do is find something to laugh about.
Intuitively, we know this is true.
Laughing reduces stress and anxiety. It gets oxygen flowing (especially the BIG belly laughs that make you cry) and “clears” your head.
Laughter frees our mind and pushes whatever we were stuck processing toward the back. Making our previous unfinished task kind of like a silent movie.
We can’t fully focus on two things at once. This splits our attention. But when we’ve been working on a problem and leave it, our brain doesn’t stop “thinking” about it.
How many times have you experienced an “ah, ha!” moment while doing a task completely unrelated to the one you were actually involved in at that moment?
A lot, right?
If you’re not getting enough laughter in your day-to-day, consider making it a habit.
Schedule time to watch funny movies, videos, or go see a comedian. If you can’t manage that, hang out with your kids (or someone else’s if you don’t have your own.) They’re a guaranteed source of laughter!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
It’s probably accurate to say that many of us have moments of laziness. Sometimes it’s because we’ve worked long hours, and still need to help children with homework, get everyone fed, make lunches, and get everyone in bed at a reasonable time.
We do all of that, and then think, “It’s time for me to relax.” Which is another way of saying “veg out,” or be lazy for a while. I get it. I’m fairly certain I wore that t-shirt sometime in the past week.
On the surface, this isn’t a “bad” thing. We do need down time.
But what kind of downtime will benefit our brains and bodies most?
Is it several hours in front of a screen watching Netflix, Hulu, or something else? (Oi, how I love Netflix, and more recently Hulu. I have to limit myself to 1-2 hours for the day or I’ll be up all night.)
Probably not.
All those screen time warnings we see for children and teens apply to us, too.
When we’re engaged with our screens, we’re disconnecting with the people around us. We are social creatures who need contact. That contact can come from engagement via our devices, but it’s certainly not ideal.
Ask anyone whose been deployed how ideal that is. Or, someone who travels for their living. That type of connection is their “lifeline” to their most important people, but it’s not even close to an acceptable replacement.
You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.
Sammy Davis, Jr.
You’re standing in front of this door. Behind you are all of the places you’ve traveled, the people you’ve met, and the choices that have landed you here.
Photo credit: Qimono via Pixabay
What do you do?
Do you stay on this side of lucky number 13, or do you open the door?
Do you take a little peek, or do you step through without a glance back?
Stepping into the unknown is a strange combination of trepidation and exhilaration.
Which one tugs at your being the strongest?
Answering this question, gives you tremendous insights into who you are at your core.
It’s neither good nor bad. It simply is. What you do with the knowledge is up to you.
Challenges, especially of the larger variety help us build resilience. In the spirit of helping you (and me, I’m not going to lie) do that, I’ve created four challenges for you to try. I’ve done each one, and have already started a new one — training for a 1/2 marathon.
You can review and accept a challenge here. Be sure to leave a comment introducing yourself!
Good luck! I look forward to helping you meet your goals!
In the movie “A Knight’s Tale,” young William queries, “Can a man change his stars?”
Of course this has nothing to do with being male, female, black, white, or all the shades in between.
It’s a question about agency, control, and volition.
Do we have control over our lives and how we choose to live? Most of us can truthfully answer yes.
Do we always act as though we do? Not necessarily.
Radical ownership, which I wrote about here is about agency, control, and volition. At our core, our “heart of hearts,” this is what everyone yearns to experience and possess like a precious gem.
When we have it, it’s something that must be protected, but not hidden.
Once we’ve fought our demons and changed our stars, what’s next? We must pave the way for more to follow.
William kept his gem protected, but then this happened:
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. Frankl
It was Senior year of high school, if I recall correctly. My memory isn’t what it used to be, but then, no one’s really is. Memory is like a file cabinet with a false bottom. But that’s a discussion for another post.
Back to high school circa 1987-88. The subject? Psychotheology.
Psycho what, now?
I had no idea, but it was an honors-level religion class and sounded a lot more interesting than any of my other options.
There are only three things I remember about the class.
The teacher was new and her enthusiasm for the subject was a bit frightening.
We had to journal every day, and our teacher read the journal.
We read Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning.
Robert Frost wrote several amazing poems, but in sixth grade I was forced to memorize a stanza.
I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
Not too shabby X number of years later, huh? (No, I didn’t look it up. Sr. Theresa was serious about her poetry lessons.)
Back to Viktor Frankl…
I still have the book. It wasn’t logotherapy that caught my attention; I had no clue what he was talking about back then.
What captured my mind and heart were the words he used to describe his experience and the experience of those around him.
There was hope amidst tremendous tragedy.
Throughout the years, his book has come up in various conversations while I’ve pursued my master’s. And each time I tell myself, “You should read it, again.”
But I don’t.
I don’t think I ever will.
For me the lesson was about hope, resilience, compassion, and understanding who really has the power in a seemingly hopeless situation.
Humor can help us in many situations. Norman Cousins, famous for using belly laughter to cure his illness in 1964, believed this. He’d watch episodes of Candid Camera and other comedic performances.
In his book, Anatomy of an illness as perceived by the patient (1979), he outlined his self-imposed prescription for what doctors said he had a 1 in 500 chance of beating. Laughter was a key ingredient.
True, Cousins viewed himself as the eternal optimist, and that also probably had a hand in his recovery.
But humor still was essential.
Take a look at Andrew Tarvin’s research into how humor can help all of us. Oh, and I dare you not to laugh.
