by KMiller | Dec 23, 2018 | Personal Development
“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”
~ Audrey Hepburn
What do you feel is impossible for you to do in your life right now? Have you been considering going back to school? Getting a different job? Changing careers? Changing a bad habit?
Whatever it is, it’s completely possible. It’s not only possible, it can be made doable.
We have a tendency to go balls to the wall heading into every new year. Our intentions are good. We’re motivated.
Then we’re not. And the main reason we fail is that we didn’t create a plan to succeed. That plan needs to include baby steps, “what if” scenarios, cheerleaders, and a journal. (My go-to journal right now is the Panda Planner.)
According to the self-determination theory of motivation, we need to feel competency for the task, have autonomy to do the task, and have supportive relationships. These three things must be in place for us to develop the intrinsic motivation necessary to succeed.
Maybe motivation isn’t your challenge. Maybe it’s fear of change or failure. If that’s the case, then read yesterday’s post for encouragement.
Let’s make this moment the one where we decide to create a game plan to make the seemingly impossible, possible.
Reference:
Self-determination Theory (n.d.). Retrieved December 23, 2018, from https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
by KMiller | Dec 22, 2018 | Personal Development
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
~ Confucius
If fear is what’s holding us back from reaching our full potential, how do we overcome that fear?
By redefining it.
I’ve written about this before and it’s worth sharing, again. But, after redefining our fear, what should we do next? It’s not as though that magically changes everything that very moment.
This is where tackling things in baby steps comes into play.
Let’s say that your fear is starting something new — maybe it’s learning a new language. How can you break it down so that learning is less overwhelming and more fun? What supports can you put into place to help you reach your goal? What encouraging words will you tell yourself as you begin your adventure (See what I did there?)
Every step of the way we need to reframe, redefine, and push forward if we want to achieve our full potential in a particular area.
Will it be scarier some days than others? Absolutely.
Will we need to make an effort every day? Yep.
Can we be fabulous doing it? Without a doubt.
All that’s required is unlocking the door, pushing it open, and seeing what’s on the other side.
by KMiller | Dec 20, 2018 | Habit formation, Personal Development
“Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much.”
John Ortberg
By now, most of us have read articles discussing willpower in some form or fashion. There are two areas where researchers tend to agree. First, willpower is like a muscle. It gets depleted and it can get re-energized; and two, we still can accomplish changes without willpower.
How? Plan. Plan every detail of your new habit including creating a habit you actually want to change. When we try to change a habit for someone else, what happens? Yeah, I know you know.
We have to make changes that are so simple that in our minds we can’t say “no.” It’s all about the baby steps, and if you’ve ever been around a baby trying to learn to walk then you understand just how important this is.
When a baby takes its first step it usually falls. Then, with encouragement, it gets back up. It’s not only willpower making that happen, but it’s also the relationships around the child.
When we want to make lasting changes, we need to remember to surround ourselves with supportive relationships, take baby steps to increase our competency, and when the time is right, strike out on our own running on the tips of our toes toward success.
Sometimes the collective willpower of others can help us achieve the seemingly impossible.
Reference (s)
Hendriksen, E. (2015, December 25). How to change a habit without willpower. Savvy Psychology. Retrieved December 20, 2018, from https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-change-a-habit-without-willpower
by KMiller | Dec 19, 2018 | Personal Development
Intrinsic motivation is one of learning’s most precious resources. It bolsters us to stick out the tough moments of a challenge and pursue what we love to do.
Rachel Simmons
That sounds great, but how do we increase or even get intrinsic motivation? This particular topic has been studied repeatedly. The most interesting theory to date (in my opinion, of course) is Self-Determination Theory (SDT).
SDT “is concerned with supporting our natural or intrinsic tendencies to behave in effective and healthy ways (Self-Determination Theory, 2018). It encompasses, among other things, the idea that if we increase our competence, have supportive relationships, and autonomy then we can expect our intrinsic motivation to increase.
If any one of these is missing, then intrinsic motivation suffers.
Think about this for a minute. When you’re being told what to do, how do you feel? Being told can translate into reduced autonomy. When you don’t feel like you understand what you’re doing, how would you rate your competence level? When other people are nay-sayers as you press on, does it feel like a balloon deflating?
A simple truth is that we need to surround ourselves with a supportive tribe; try, fail, and try again, to increase our competency for a task, and when we’ve truly got “it,” then we need to have the freedom to run with “it.”
What does this take?
Courage
Trust
Love
Hope
At the end of the night, we need to be able to look into a mirror and say, “I own this.”
References:
Self-determination Theory, (n.d.) Retrieved December 19, 2018 from http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
by KMiller | Dec 16, 2018 | Personal Development
A good spicy challenge strikes a balance between flavour and fear.
Adam Richman
Why do we challenge ourselves? Sometimes it’s to prove something to someone else, but oftentimes it’s simply to prove something to ourselves.
We all have that voice in our head. You know the one I’m talking about. It nags at you. Sometimes it screams at you.
“You’re a fraud!”
“You don’t know what you’re doing!”
“You suck!”
But that voice isn’t true.
When we’re on the edge, learning something new, working toward becoming an expert, we’re not a fraud. We’re an explorer.
When we don’t yet know exactly what we’re doing. We’re an explorer.
When that nasty little voice pouts, “You suck!” It’s because it’s not an explorer. But you and I are.
The language we use to describe our world matters. Challenges can be accepted or denied. You and I are the kind of people who accept challenges, whip them about, make them ours, and keep moving forward.
by KMiller | Dec 15, 2018 | Meaning and Purpose, Personal Development
Do or do not. There is no try.
Yoda
After you’ve made your choice and the dust has settled, it’s time to commit to your path. You might think that you did when you made the choice. Nope. It happens after that.
How many times have you made a choice only to constantly question it after the fact? You weren’t committed.
Making a choice is step one. Committing to that choice — going “all in, balls to the wall,” is step two.
Some of you are afraid to fully commit to your choices. If you are, then I’d like you to re-think the word fear. Here’s your new mantra:
Fabulous
Effort
Absolutely
Required
Commit to your path. Relish in it. Own it.
