by KDMiller | Personal Development
“Never limit yourself because of others’ limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.”
~ Mae C. Jemison
This is sage advice from the first African American woman to travel into space. When she was selected for the NASA astronaut training program in 1987 she was one of 15 out of about 2000 (Biography.com, n.d.) and the first African American woman.
One thing we all can learn from her experience is that giving up on your dream only hurts one person — you. Ultimately, everyone else around you will adjust, or in some cases, not even care. But when we give up on a dream a piece of us dies inside.
Jemison never gave up. She came from humble beginnings, worked her butt off, and didn’t take her eyes off her prize.
What’s your prize? Where are you trying to go? How do you plan to get there?
You need a plan before you can persist and then prosper.
No one can hold you back from achieving your dreams except you. There are many examples of everyday people accomplishing greatness for themselves (not for fame or fortune, necessarily.) If they can, why can’t you?
If what you want to do costs money that you don’t have, make a plan for increasing your income. Make a budget and stick to it. Give up a few “wants.”
If you’re surrounded by unsupportive people, change your environment. Is this easy? Nope. Do it anyway.
People don’t succeed in a vacuum. We all need support from someone else, even if that support isn’t direct. Think about the garbage collector who ensures all your garbage is picked up so that you don’t have to haul it away. That’s a time saving support, right? (This is a simple example just to show how interconnected we all actually are.)
Jemison had supportive people in her corner. Some she saw, some she probably never met — but all of them were there.
Here’s a plan to jump-start your process:
Step 1. Write down your dream in detail. Draw pictures if you want.
Step 2. Believe in your dream. Act as though you’re already there.
Step 3. Surround yourself with a supportive crew.
Step 4. Review your dream daily. Make one stride toward it every day.
Step 5. Read everything related to your dream.
Step 6. Find people already doing what you want to do. Study them.
It’s a simple, but effective plan that won’t cost you anything but time and attention.
Kid, you’ll move mountains! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way!
~ Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
Reference:
Biography (n.d.). Mae C. Jemison. Biography.com. Retrieved December 25, 2018, from https://www.biography.com/people/mae-c-jemison-9542378
Seuss, Dr. (1990). Oh the places you’ll go. New York, NY: Random House
by KDMiller | Meaning and Purpose, Personal Development
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
~ Buddha
When you spend time tearing yourself down for every small infraction it adds up in big ways. Every time you do it, you’re reinforcing a neural network in your brain that says, “You suck.” And because we all experience a negativity bias or have the propensity to lean toward the bad when experiencing various events in our lives, it’s pretty easy to create a negative feedback loop (one bad thing feeds into another, and so on.)
How do you stop this? Is it as simple as, “think happy thoughts?” Not exactly.
Here are a few steps you can take:
- Practice mindfulness (Meditation can happen in several ways, so find what works for you. Here’s a great option: Online MBSR, mindfulness-based stress reduction.)
- Exercise (My “go-to” reference for all things in this area comes from Dr. John Ratey, though I also love reading John Medina’s work.)
That’s it, actually. Exercise and mindfulness. If I had to add a third to that list it would be: eat a healthful diet. You don’t have to cut out everything you love; you just need to practice a little self-control. Any guesses about what can help with that?
Mindfulness and exercise.
References:
Medina, J. (n.d.). Brain rules. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.brainrules.net/about-the-author
Nugent, P. (2013, April 7). Bad is stronger than good. Psychology Dictionary, Professional Reference. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://psychologydictionary.org/bad-is-stronger-than-good/
Palouse Mindfulness (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://palousemindfulness.com/
Ratey, J. (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.johnratey.com/
by KDMiller | Personal Development
“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”
~ Audrey Hepburn
What do you feel is impossible for you to do in your life right now? Have you been considering going back to school? Getting a different job? Changing careers? Changing a bad habit?
Whatever it is, it’s completely possible. It’s not only possible, it can be made doable.
We have a tendency to go balls to the wall heading into every new year. Our intentions are good. We’re motivated.
Then we’re not. And the main reason we fail is that we didn’t create a plan to succeed. That plan needs to include baby steps, “what if” scenarios, cheerleaders, and a journal. (My go-to journal right now is the Panda Planner.)
According to the self-determination theory of motivation, we need to feel competency for the task, have autonomy to do the task, and have supportive relationships. These three things must be in place for us to develop the intrinsic motivation necessary to succeed.
Maybe motivation isn’t your challenge. Maybe it’s fear of change or failure. If that’s the case, then read yesterday’s post for encouragement.
Let’s make this moment the one where we decide to create a game plan to make the seemingly impossible, possible.
Reference:
Self-determination Theory (n.d.). Retrieved December 23, 2018, from https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
by KDMiller | Personal Development
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
~ Confucius
If fear is what’s holding us back from reaching our full potential, how do we overcome that fear?
By redefining it.
I’ve written about this before and it’s worth sharing, again. But, after redefining our fear, what should we do next? It’s not as though that magically changes everything that very moment.
This is where tackling things in baby steps comes into play.
Let’s say that your fear is starting something new — maybe it’s learning a new language. How can you break it down so that learning is less overwhelming and more fun? What supports can you put into place to help you reach your goal? What encouraging words will you tell yourself as you begin your adventure (See what I did there?)
Every step of the way we need to reframe, redefine, and push forward if we want to achieve our full potential in a particular area.
Will it be scarier some days than others? Absolutely.
Will we need to make an effort every day? Yep.
Can we be fabulous doing it? Without a doubt.
All that’s required is unlocking the door, pushing it open, and seeing what’s on the other side.
by KDMiller | Habit formation, Personal Development
“Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much.”
John Ortberg
By now, most of us have read articles discussing willpower in some form or fashion. There are two areas where researchers tend to agree. First, willpower is like a muscle. It gets depleted and it can get re-energized; and two, we still can accomplish changes without willpower.
How? Plan. Plan every detail of your new habit including creating a habit you actually want to change. When we try to change a habit for someone else, what happens? Yeah, I know you know.
We have to make changes that are so simple that in our minds we can’t say “no.” It’s all about the baby steps, and if you’ve ever been around a baby trying to learn to walk then you understand just how important this is.
When a baby takes its first step it usually falls. Then, with encouragement, it gets back up. It’s not only willpower making that happen, but it’s also the relationships around the child.
When we want to make lasting changes, we need to remember to surround ourselves with supportive relationships, take baby steps to increase our competency, and when the time is right, strike out on our own running on the tips of our toes toward success.
Sometimes the collective willpower of others can help us achieve the seemingly impossible.
Reference (s)
Hendriksen, E. (2015, December 25). How to change a habit without willpower. Savvy Psychology. Retrieved December 20, 2018, from https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-change-a-habit-without-willpower
by KDMiller | Personal Development
Intrinsic motivation is one of learning’s most precious resources. It bolsters us to stick out the tough moments of a challenge and pursue what we love to do.
Rachel Simmons
That sounds great, but how do we increase or even get intrinsic motivation? This particular topic has been studied repeatedly. The most interesting theory to date (in my opinion, of course) is Self-Determination Theory (SDT).
SDT “is concerned with supporting our natural or intrinsic tendencies to behave in effective and healthy ways (Self-Determination Theory, 2018). It encompasses, among other things, the idea that if we increase our competence, have supportive relationships, and autonomy then we can expect our intrinsic motivation to increase.
If any one of these is missing, then intrinsic motivation suffers.
Think about this for a minute. When you’re being told what to do, how do you feel? Being told can translate into reduced autonomy. When you don’t feel like you understand what you’re doing, how would you rate your competence level? When other people are nay-sayers as you press on, does it feel like a balloon deflating?
A simple truth is that we need to surround ourselves with a supportive tribe; try, fail, and try again, to increase our competency for a task, and when we’ve truly got “it,” then we need to have the freedom to run with “it.”
What does this take?
Courage
Trust
Love
Hope
At the end of the night, we need to be able to look into a mirror and say, “I own this.”
References:
Self-determination Theory, (n.d.) Retrieved December 19, 2018 from http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
