by KDMiller | Dec 24, 2018 | Meaning and Purpose, Personal Development
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
~ Buddha
When you spend time tearing yourself down for every small infraction it adds up in big ways. Every time you do it, you’re reinforcing a neural network in your brain that says, “You suck.” And because we all experience a negativity bias or have the propensity to lean toward the bad when experiencing various events in our lives, it’s pretty easy to create a negative feedback loop (one bad thing feeds into another, and so on.)
How do you stop this? Is it as simple as, “think happy thoughts?” Not exactly.
Here are a few steps you can take:
- Practice mindfulness (Meditation can happen in several ways, so find what works for you. Here’s a great option: Online MBSR, mindfulness-based stress reduction.)
- Exercise (My “go-to” reference for all things in this area comes from Dr. John Ratey, though I also love reading John Medina’s work.)
That’s it, actually. Exercise and mindfulness. If I had to add a third to that list it would be: eat a healthful diet. You don’t have to cut out everything you love; you just need to practice a little self-control. Any guesses about what can help with that?
Mindfulness and exercise.
References:
Medina, J. (n.d.). Brain rules. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.brainrules.net/about-the-author
Nugent, P. (2013, April 7). Bad is stronger than good. Psychology Dictionary, Professional Reference. Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://psychologydictionary.org/bad-is-stronger-than-good/
Palouse Mindfulness (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from https://palousemindfulness.com/
Ratey, J. (n.d.) Retrieved December 24, 2018, from http://www.johnratey.com/
by KDMiller | Dec 23, 2018 | Personal Development
“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”
~ Audrey Hepburn
What do you feel is impossible for you to do in your life right now? Have you been considering going back to school? Getting a different job? Changing careers? Changing a bad habit?
Whatever it is, it’s completely possible. It’s not only possible, it can be made doable.
We have a tendency to go balls to the wall heading into every new year. Our intentions are good. We’re motivated.
Then we’re not. And the main reason we fail is that we didn’t create a plan to succeed. That plan needs to include baby steps, “what if” scenarios, cheerleaders, and a journal. (My go-to journal right now is the Panda Planner.)
According to the self-determination theory of motivation, we need to feel competency for the task, have autonomy to do the task, and have supportive relationships. These three things must be in place for us to develop the intrinsic motivation necessary to succeed.
Maybe motivation isn’t your challenge. Maybe it’s fear of change or failure. If that’s the case, then read yesterday’s post for encouragement.
Let’s make this moment the one where we decide to create a game plan to make the seemingly impossible, possible.
Reference:
Self-determination Theory (n.d.). Retrieved December 23, 2018, from https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
by KDMiller | Dec 22, 2018 | Personal Development
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
~ Confucius
If fear is what’s holding us back from reaching our full potential, how do we overcome that fear?
By redefining it.
I’ve written about this before and it’s worth sharing, again. But, after redefining our fear, what should we do next? It’s not as though that magically changes everything that very moment.
This is where tackling things in baby steps comes into play.
Let’s say that your fear is starting something new — maybe it’s learning a new language. How can you break it down so that learning is less overwhelming and more fun? What supports can you put into place to help you reach your goal? What encouraging words will you tell yourself as you begin your adventure (See what I did there?)
Every step of the way we need to reframe, redefine, and push forward if we want to achieve our full potential in a particular area.
Will it be scarier some days than others? Absolutely.
Will we need to make an effort every day? Yep.
Can we be fabulous doing it? Without a doubt.
All that’s required is unlocking the door, pushing it open, and seeing what’s on the other side.
by KDMiller | Dec 21, 2018 | Happiness and Well-being
Have you ever been around someone so angry or unhappy that you began feeling the same way?
We all have.
Emotions are as contagious as the common cold. We have our mirror neurons to thank for this, but we definitely want those neurons activating! (They’re what help us to be empathetic and compassionate beings. Without them, can you imagine what the world might be like?)
Just not necessarily all the time.
For example, when we’re in a long line at the checkout, and the people around us become visibly annoyed, it would be best for us to put our shields up! In these moments why would we want to be vested in someone else’s annoyance? Are they being mistreated by having to wait in line? Do we want to feel as awful as they apparently do?
We all have a negativity bias so it’s pretty easy to get wrapped up in another person’s ticked off mood. The challenge for us is to recognize what’s happening before it takes over our brains so that we don’t act in a way that just might embarrass us later.
Reference (s)
Inside the Brain (n.d.) Tag: Mirror neurons. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://inside-the-brain.com/tag/mirror-neurons/
Marano, H. E. (2016, June 9). Our Brain’s Negativity Bias. Psychology Today. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias
Positive Psychology Program (2016, December 3). 3 simple steps to overcome your negativity bias. Positive Psychology Program. Retrieved December 21, 2018, from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/3-steps-negativity-bias/
by KDMiller | Dec 20, 2018 | Habit formation, Personal Development
“Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much.”
John Ortberg
By now, most of us have read articles discussing willpower in some form or fashion. There are two areas where researchers tend to agree. First, willpower is like a muscle. It gets depleted and it can get re-energized; and two, we still can accomplish changes without willpower.
How? Plan. Plan every detail of your new habit including creating a habit you actually want to change. When we try to change a habit for someone else, what happens? Yeah, I know you know.
We have to make changes that are so simple that in our minds we can’t say “no.” It’s all about the baby steps, and if you’ve ever been around a baby trying to learn to walk then you understand just how important this is.
When a baby takes its first step it usually falls. Then, with encouragement, it gets back up. It’s not only willpower making that happen, but it’s also the relationships around the child.
When we want to make lasting changes, we need to remember to surround ourselves with supportive relationships, take baby steps to increase our competency, and when the time is right, strike out on our own running on the tips of our toes toward success.
Sometimes the collective willpower of others can help us achieve the seemingly impossible.
Reference (s)
Hendriksen, E. (2015, December 25). How to change a habit without willpower. Savvy Psychology. Retrieved December 20, 2018, from https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-change-a-habit-without-willpower
